Previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:

Ghosts in the nursery

Are you an “unreasonable” parent? Perhaps there is a ghost in your nursery

The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”

To send ideas for future podcasts, email me at anne@drtimjordan.com

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Some key factors discussed :

Bathrooms moving indoors with mirrors and weight scales; a cultural perspective that being overweight was considered a character flaw associated with laziness and a lack of self-control; the rise of advertising playing on teen girls anxieties and insecurities about their looks; earlier sexualization and objectification of girls; increased exhibitionism, perfectionism, lookism, and consumerism causing girls and women to be obsessed with weight, body, fashion, and being sexy.

Other valuable resources related to the topic of body image and body dissatisfaction:

Previous Dr. Jordan podcasts on the topic of girls and body image

I Hate My Body! When And Why It Starts And What Parents Can Do About It With Dr. Ashleigh Gallagher And Dr. Janet Boseovski

When and why body image dissatisfaction begins:

Dr. Jordan’s book on adolescent girls: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls

Book: Fat History, by Peter Stearns

Send ideas for future podcasts or if you have comments/questions to: anne@drtimjordan.com

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Resources:

For more info on Dr. Twenge’s resources, visit her website at www.JeanTwenge.com

Listen to past podcasts with Melanie Hempe from Screenstrong.org and from Gabriella Nguyen on helping kids and teens to wean themselves from screens.

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Link to the Girlology App: https://girlology.com/

Instagram @girlology

To access free content for parents, Dr. Momfidence is our chatbot that will answer questions with content and resources that only come from Girlology and patient ed materials from some of our academic partners.

Listeners can use this discount code for 20% off an annual subscription to the Girlology platform : ParentingGirls

Previous Dr. Jordan podcast on girls & body image, interview with Dr. Ashleigh Gallagher & Dr. Janet Boseovski: I hate my body! When and why it starts and what parents can do about it

For more information about Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and other resources, check oujt his website at www.drtimjordan.com

To send comments or requests for future podcasts topics, email him at Anne@drtimjordan.com

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Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:

Send questions for Dr. Jordan to address in his next podcast to: Anne@drtimjordan.com

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Keywords: Melanie Hempe, Screenstrong, smartphones, social media, addictions, video games, gaming, screen use addictions, dopamine, stress, sleep deprivation in teenagers, teenagers, adolescents,

Resources:

Melanie Hempe’s website: ScreenStrong

KidsBrainsAndScreens.com  The Adventures of Super Brain

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: 5 Step Method For Teenagers To Wean Off Social Media With Gabriela Nguyen

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Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: Redefining power and leadership: How Our World Would Be Different if Women Were the Storytellers

Dr. Jordan’s book on raising female leaders: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:

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Resources:

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: Follow the Yellow Brick Road: What Dorothy Can Teach Teen Girls

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: Moana, Dorothy, and Rey: The heroine’s journey models how girls can thrive during adolescence

Camp Weloki: safe place to be heard, learn, increase self-awareness, learn important life skills, connect more deeply with peers and learn from each other.

My favorite book on what fairy tales have to teach us about girls and women:  Spinning Straw Into Gold, Joan Gould

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Fredrik Backman’s new book: My Friends: A Novel

Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:

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Resources: 

Previous Dr. Jordan podcast on girl’s friendships: Why Girls Refuse to Move On From Toxic Friends

Dr. Jordan’s book on adolescent girls: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls contains lots of information about girl’s friendships

To send ideas for future podcasts or to send comments, email me at anne@drtimjordan.com

Related resources:

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast, How To Be Happy, Successful, And Mindful While Getting It All Done With Laura Mae Martin

ideas on creating a good study space: David Smith, CEO of Silicon Valley High School

Daniel Pink book: When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing

7 Ways to beat procrastination: Dan Pink video:

How multitasking hurts your brain article:

Send questions for Dr. Jordan to answer on his next podcast to  anne@drtimjordan.com

Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:

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Resources:

You can find Julia’s online support community at www.theselfmademom.com as well as information about her new book, The Self-Made Mom.

For more information about how to parent girls to grow up confident and powerful, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com 

Amazon Book Link: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants

Previous Dr. Jordan podcasts related to college:

Best Ways To Support Your Daughter Through The College Application Process With Dr. Pamela Ellis

A peek into your daughter's emotions as she starts college:

Why college freshmen are so lonely:

DR. JORDAN’S BOOK for young adults and their parents,  Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living is available in both print  or e-book formats.  Kindle version   Print version

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Resources:

Joanna Lilley’s website for her counseling services called Lilley Consulting: www.lilleyconsulting.com

Dr. Jordan’s new book is now an audio book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies, social media, and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com Amazon Book Link: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants

Send questions for Dr. Jordan to answer on his next podcast to: anne@drtimjordan.com

Click here for a handout of the many ways girls can show you they are keeping their power.

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcasts on social and maturational readiness signs for starting social media:

Does your daughter possess the maturity and responsibility needed to earn a smartphone or use social media? 

Signs of social readiness for social media

Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link

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Blog Post URL https://drtimjordan.com/podcast-2

Resources related to this podcast topic:

Previous Dr. Jordan podcast: How Parents Can Teach Daughters to Stop Overwhelming Rumination

Previous Dr. Jordan podcast: The Real Keys To a Happy Life: It's Not What You Think

Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link:

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Related resources:

Resources from Avital Levy:

Hi, Fam!

@HiFamLife on Instagram

@HiFamLife on YouTube

Avita’s book: Reclaim Play

Description: Listen in as Dr. Jordan describes the many benefits grandparents bring to their grandchildren, including providing unconditional love and support, always having time to play or just listen, following their lead, deriving pleasure from being in the moment vs. worrying about their future, and sharing stories that connect kids to their heritage and cultural identity. Enjoy many touching stories about grandparents connecting with their grandkids.

Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both;  https://drtimjordan.com     Amazon Book Link

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Resources:

For more information on this topic from Nate Lewis, visit his website at www.theinnocent.org or on social media at @theinnocent.usa

Good article and video on this topic: How many strangers are in your teenager’s bedroom article, Katherine Martinko: www.Fbi.gov/itsnotagame video on online predators; Learn more at www.fbi.gov/itsnotagame

Read Dr. Jordan’s chapter on when kids are ready for smartphones and social media in his new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition https://drtimjordan.com

Related Resources:

Check out Dr. Jordan’s overnight camps for girls: Camp Weloki

Read Michael Thompson’s book about the value of camps: Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow

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Valuable resources on this topic:

Read the chapter on how to best listen to your daughters in Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition

Amazon Book Link:

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: 8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening

For more info on my camps and resources, go to our website at www.drtimjordan.com or www.campweloki.com

Or contact Anne@drtimjordan.com

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Resources:

For more info on Kate Berski and her new book, check out her website at https://kateberski.com

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast where he interviews 4 high school seniors who discuss why teen girls don’t want to grow up

Dr. Jordan’s new book is available! Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter and technologies and social media and readiness signs for both https://drtimjordan.com.

In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes a tried and true process for teaching your daughters how to learn from their mistakes. Girls can learn to become aware of the internal alarm that sounds at decision points, where they feel it in their bodies, why they ignored it when they made a mistake, and what they will do different so that they won’t be vulnerable to making the same mistake again.

Resources:

Dr. Jordan’s new book is out!  Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both

Amazon Book Link: https://www.amazon.com/author/timjordanmd

Link for book on Dr. Jordan’s website: https://drtimjordan.com/books/

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Good resources on this topic:

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition with an invaluable chapter on technologies and social media and readiness signs for both.

Social Media and Technologies Books:

1)   Turkle, Sherry. Alone Together

2)  Turkle, Sherry. Reclaiming Conversation

3)  Powers, William. Hamlet’s Blackberry: A Practical Philosophy for Building a Good Life in the

Digital Age

4)  Boyd, Danah. It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens

5)  McGonigal, Kelly. The Willpower Instinct

6)  Siegel, Daniel. Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain

7)  Haidt, Jonathon. The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing

an Epidemic of Mental Illness

2 previous interviews in Raising Daughters of authors on this topic:

Gabriela Nguyen gabriela@appstinent.org     Appstinent app: www.appstinent.org    

Katherine Johnson Martinko Author of "Childhood Unplugged: How to Get Your Kid Off Screens and Find Balance"; website the analog family  knmartinko@gmail.com   Substack, After Babel

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Resources:

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025.

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Resources:

●  Check out Melissa Saleh's website.

●  Dr Tim’s resource on this topic is his book She Leads, which you can find here.  

●  Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025.

In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan encourages parents to adopt the authoritative style of parenting where you are flexible enough to allow give and take when making agreements. This leaves kids feeling heard, respected, able to problem-solve and create win-win agreements, and remaining close to their parents.

Resources:

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised and updated edition to be published late March 2025

Join Our Community:

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Resources:

Website: Katherine Johnson Martinko 

Newsletter: The Analog Family

Book: Childhood Unplugged: How to Get Your Kid Off Screens and Find Balance

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition—coming late March 2025.

Resources:

Find stories of successful people who struggled in school, had LDs

List of High achievers with dyslexia:

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book: Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition to be published late March 2025

Despite teens’ fears of losing friends, this process encourages them to replace social media with meaningful activities, including alternative ways to stay connected via phone calls, video calls, and texts, as well as more in-person connections.

5D Method: Decrease, Deactivate, Delete, Downgrade, & Depart

Prepare

• Journal your deepest fears about quitting social media.
• Identify your ultimate reason for leaving.
• List realistic daily activities to replace social media.
• Recognize that campers don’t miss their phones when replaced with real connections and fun.
• Write down the most important people in your life.
• 
  

Decrease

• Unfollow ALL “junk” accounts—gossip pages, news stations, your ex—anything that negatively affects you or steals your time.
• Remove social media apps from your phone and laptop. Only access them via your laptop browser without saving your password.
• Turn off all non-urgent notifications.
• Increase real-world engagement using your list of analog activities.
• Prioritize close family and friends—schedule phone calls and meet-ups.
• Stop multitasking—be present and take more time for what you're already doing.

Deactivate

• Once you notice your social media use decreasing (this may take weeks or months), deactivate the account you use the least.
• Major platforms provide a 30-day window before permanent deletion.
• During this time, continue increasing real-world engagement.

Delete

• After 30 days, your account will automatically be deleted.
• Repeat the Deactivate and Delete steps until all accounts are gone.
• Do not rush the process—allow yourself time to adjust.

Downgrade

• If possible, switch to a “transition device” that is less advanced than a smartphone but more functional than a basic flip phone.
• A device like the Cat S22 has a small, slow display that discourages excessive phone use.

Depart

• By now, you are months or even a year into your journey.
• Review your initial list of fears—did they come true? How did they make you feel?
• Reflect on your reasons for quitting social media—was it worth it?
• Understand that, like any lifestyle change, there are trade-offs, but the benefits far outweigh the costs.

Resources

• Find more information on Gabriela Nguyen and the 5D Process at www.appstinent.org.
• Check out Dr. Jordan’s previous podcasts on social media:
• How Parents Can Know When Their Daughter Is Ready for Social Media
• Worried About Unhealthy Messages About Beauty on Social Media? Teach Your Daughter to Become Media and Image Savvy
• Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book:
• Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants (Revised edition, publishing in late March 2025).

Description:

In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes 2 girls, a 4^th grader and an 11^th grader, who are stressed out due to over full schedules. Dr. Tim also describes 2 other factors that add to children’s stress levels today: excessive pressure to excel and valuing achievement over character. Kids and teens have internalized the message that more is better and that everything that they do, grades and sports and activities, are done to improve their future outlook for college applications. This causes kids to get anxious because everything they do as kids now will affect their future. Dr. Jordan describes the need for time to refuel and reground themselves as well as ways that they can take breaks to destress and replenish themselves. Finally, it is critical that kids make self-care important so that they will regularly schedule such times no matter how busy they become.

Resources:

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Why rushed kids are lonely and stressed

Watch for Dr. Jordan’s new book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition to be published late March 2025

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In this new podcast, Dr. Jordan describes the importance of parents spending time together so that when the last child leaves the nest, they haven’t become strangers. Dr. Jordan describes the ‘empty nest divorce trend’ that can result from years of couples neglecting their needs as a couple. Learn some rituals you can do together in order to keep your marriage fires burning so that you leave your children with a healthy template of a loving, close, respectful marriage. Oh, and NEVER go to a tropical island on vacation with children!

Related resources:

Empty nest divorce article

For information on Dr. Jordan’s weekend retreats and summer camps for girls, his 6 published books, and info on his presentations for parents and professionals, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Look for Dr. Jordan’s new book that should be out in March 2025: Keeping your Family Grounded When You’re Flying By the Seat of Your Pants, revised edition

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Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast discusses the social readiness signs teens need to exhibit to show they are prepared for smartphones and social media.

Don’t miss Dr. Jordan’s revised edition of Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying by the Seat of Your Pants, featuring four new chapters, including one on social media.

Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast, The Most Important Factor In Girls Gaining Confidence And Resilience, to learn about the concept of “safe bases.”

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Dr. Jordan offers 2 powerful metaphors about how your daughters can learn to face and overcome adversities. Unlike cows, buffalos charge directly into storms, facing the challenge head-on, maintaining control over their path and with support from the herd. Instead of procrastinating or avoiding challenges, lions teach us to go towards and thru our fears because they almost never have as much “teeth” as we imagine. The approach of the buffalo and the lion will result in girls developing more self-esteem, self-efficacy, and optimism.

For more information on the resources Dr. Jordan offers, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com

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Related resources:

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on mom’s influence on her daughter’s body image

Valuable and insightful videos to watch with your daughters about the effects of ads and media on their sense of self:

Dove self-esteem project: @doveself-esteemproject8697 

Reverse selfie, Evolution

Onslaught: Talk to your daughter before the beauty industry does

Questions girls can ask themselves whenever they look at photos/ads/images online:

· Do I really need this product, is it good for me?

· What are they trying to sell me? Selling idea that in order to be happy, need this product · If you want to be sexy & popular and cool with tons of friends like the people in the ad, you must buy our product; · You are not good enough, creates cravings

· “Does that look real or fake to you?” “Do you think this photo reflects that girl’s real life?” Do you think it makes girls feel bad about themselves to see photos like this? Does it make you feel bad?”, “Do you think there’s an addictive property to social media? What do you think the solution is? How do you navigate it in a healthy way?”

Dr. Jordan uses stories of eminent people like scientist Marie Curie, violinist Itzhak Perlman, and actor James Earl Jones to demonstrate how allowing girls to overcome adversity helps them to develop courage, resilience, self-esteem, grit, and optimism. The reason the butterfly pushes against the sides of her cocoon is to push fluids down the length of her wings in order to strengthen them in preparation for flying. It was this struggling that allowed her to be ready to survive and thrive.

And so it is with our children.

For more resources on this topic, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com

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Resources:

●  Who Smarted

●  Link for other educational resources by Jerry Kolber: Atomic Entertainment

Send suggestions for future show topics and feedback on these episodes to: anne@drtimjordan.com

At a recent retreat for middle school girls, an 8^th grade girl I’ll call Natalia thru tears described how she gets up every morning before school at 4 AM in order to put on makeup, fix her hair perfectly, and try on as many as 7-10 outfits to get just the right one. She has been trying desperately to be accepted into a group of popular girls who she described as, “the pretty girls.” She tries to dress like them and talk like them in an effort to be seen and included. And when she’s not included, she has let it mean that she is ugly and unattractive.

The mirror neurons in our brain are always watching other people to figure out what are others doing and saying in order to understand their tribe’s social mores. For 150,000 years, if you got kicked out of the tribe, you died, and so belonging to a group meant survival. That logic still plays out today for us all but especially during those vulnerable times like middle school where it’s normal to feel some self-doubt and uncertainty about yourself due to all of the changes you are undergoing.

Here's what we taught Natalia and the other 19 girls: if you see something you like in another person, like you think she looks pretty today or you like how easily she makes new friends, instead of making it mean something bad about you, go and affirm them instead. Their strengths mean nothing bad about you unless you let it.

Summary: So, parents can teach their daughters to catch themselves when they are comparing themselves to others and encourage them to go to that person and give them the compliment and don’t let it mean anything about them. This will result in girls being less discouraged and less self-critical and more confident.

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Scenario: girl Ellie sees photo of her 2 best friends at a sleepover and she wasn’t invited; this starts a cascade of thoughts that get more negative and anxiety-provoking: why didn’t they invite me? Did I do something wrong? Are they mad at me? Are they getting closer and thus am I losing them as friends? Who will I sit with at lunch on Monday? Am I going to have to sit alone like the weird kids?

Girls always ruminate worst case, not best case. Rumination is one of the most common causes of anxiety and panic attacks in the girls that I counsel.

Instead of getting caught up in the negative spiral of “what if”, your daughter can learn to switch it to:

What is? i.e. what is the truth? I didn’t do anything so it doesn’t have to mean anything unless I let it

What else? What else could it mean? There are lots of possible explanations that don’t involve me in a negative way: maybe her mom said could only have 2 friends over after her volleyball game and they are on the same team…

The worst-case rumination explanations are almost never true. And girls can check out the truth by asking her friends about why she wasn’t invited so that she can get out of her head and hear the truth.

Summary: help your daughter learn to become aware of when she’s starting to ruminate & Shift from “What if” to “What is the truth” and “What else could it mean?”

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The Great Barrier Reef stretches some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed. “Why is this?”

The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms – surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.

Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”

Children need to be allowed to make mistakes, suffer, get frustrated and work thru their emotions and problems to gain the strength, resilience, and confidence that they can take care of themselves, solve their own problems and overcome adversities and challenges because they have been allowed to throughout their lives.

Stop doing for kids what they can and need to do for themselves so that, like the great barrier reef, they can learn to grow strong, vibrant, and resilient.

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Rousseau believe man is naturally good but institutions make man wicked

Humans better able to cope with harsh climate conditions of last ice age b/c had developed the ability to work together (71), cooperation more critical to survival than competition and struggle; humans crave connection, togetherness, and interaction

Studies: kids as young as 3 divide a cake equally, at six would rather throw a slice away than let 1 P have larger portion

Inherent goodness of people: Disaster research ctr at U Delaware found that in 700 studies of disasters since 1963, there’s never total mayhem, crimes usually drop, adversity strikes and there’s a wave of spontaneous cooperation

Marshall WWII study: most soldiers never fired their guns (15-25%), most P with fear of aggression & inner resistance to killing a fellow man, most causalities were the work of a small minority of soldiers; Gettysburg study found 90% muskets from battlefield were still loaded, many double or triple loaded, loading it was excuse not to shoot it; humans have an aversion to violence

Hunter-gatherer societies rarely had war; thousands of cave paintings about hunting bison, horses, gazelle, not one depiction of war;

Be kind to every child for you don’t know what adversities they have faced; we all have stories about why we act the way we do

Sonder. It's the profound awareness that every person you encounter has experienced a lifetime of hopes, fears, loves, and heartaches that you'll never know. Each moment of sonder is a reminder to appreciate how little we truly grasp about others' lives. Adam Grant;

Cranes made by Japanese girl: In 1955 a thirteen-year-old Japanese girl died of radiation-induced leukemia. Sadako Sasaki was one of many who suffered the after-effects of those bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945. Japanese myth has it that cranes live for a thousand years, and anyone who folds 1000 paper cranes will have a wish granted. So, during her illness, Sadako folded paper cranes, and with each crane she wished that she would recover from her illness. She managed 644 cranes before she left this life behind. Sadako's classmates folded the remaining 356 cranes so that she could be buried with a thousand paper cranes. Friends collected money from children all over Japan to erect a monument to Sadako in Hiroshima's Peace Park. The inscription reads:

This is our cry. This is our prayer. Peace on earth. Each year people place paper cranes at the base of the statue to recall the tragedy of war and to celebrate humanity's undying hope for peace. In some places around the world, people fold paper cranes each holiday season to use as decorations and as a symbol of their deep desire for lasting peace.

Calling long distance: man calling wife from airport phone booth, operator said 1 minute left, man hurried but cut off before he could tell wife he loved her; no more coins, as he was walking away the phone rang, he picked it up and operator said that after he hung up his wife said she loved you, I thought you’d want to know.

++++

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Life raft metaphor: focus on what you have control over

Your teenage daughter too often focuses on trying to control all of the people and things that are causing her to feel anxious and stressed out. These might include: parents, friends, rumors and gossip about them, what peers post about them on social media, teachers, the amount of homework they receive, coaches, some physical things about their bodies, their parent’s fighting, or the college application process.

In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes a role play he does with preteen and teenage girls: 1 girl in the middle of the room is surrounded by people representing stressors like her parents, friend drama, rumors about her, homework, a teacher, a coach, aspects of her body she has no control over, and anxious or negative thoughts that pop in her head. When I say go, all of these stressors begin to talk at her at the same time and her job is to attempt to control them. Of course, they ignore her, causing her to work harder and become more frustrated and overwhelmed. This is a great way for the rest of the teenagers to visually see what they experience every day. I take the place of the teen volunteer but keep all of the stressors in play, and when I say go, they restart their clamoring at me. What I do is to sit quietly and just do some deep, slow breathing and I just notice, in a detached and mindful manner, all of the stressors. Eventually they always slow down and get quiet.

What these teenage girls see and learn is that they can learn to focus on what they do have control over, which is themselves, their reactions, and their emotions. The stresses haven’t changed, but their response and relationship with them has.

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye

All of man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. Blaise Pascal;

Teach your daughters how to be alone without being lonely, and to cultivate quiet, alone time with practices like journaling, meditation, yoga, or artwork.

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“One small crack does not mean that you are broken, it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.” Linda Poindexter; you are stronger & more resilient than you think; learn to focus on strengths that got you thru

Bessel van der Kolk: “Healing from trauma is as much about remembering how we survived as it is about what is broken”, remember and express gratitude to who helped you survive.

Change often brings uncertainty, anxiety and self-doubt. Embrace the uncertainty and remember these words from poet Maya Angelou: “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

Previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:

The spiral of beliefs: how to help your daughter become unstuck

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In the famous holiday movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart’s character is so discouraged and depressed that he thinks committing suicide to give his family his life insurance money is better than him being alive, and he wishes he had never been born. An angel, Clarence, comes down from heaven and allows Jimmy to see what would have been different for all of the people in his life if he indeed had never been born. This has the effect of making him extremely grateful for his life and he becomes happy and ready to live his life fully.

Dr. Jordan encourages parents to teach their daughters this tool to engender a sense of gratitude for their lives. Have your daughter imagine what her life would be like without a major blessing like parents, siblings, relatives like grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, good friends, and any positive life events. Then encourage them to express gratitude internally or to thank them in person or with letters of gratitude.

What a great exercise for us all to do during this thanksgiving and holiday season.

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Girls can learn to just notice any negative or anxious thoughts in a more detached way, notice where they feel associated emotions in their bodies that arise with these thoughts, and then use tools to allow the thoughts to pass thru them more quickly. Dr. Jordan discusses some breathing techniques and the use of mantras to cope with negative self-talk.

Dr. Jordan also describes how even though we aren’t in charge of negative thoughts popping in our heads, once they are there, we ARE in charge of whether or not we believe them and allow them to build to overwhelm. He uses the following axiom to describe this process: Bird nest in your head. We are not in charge of whether or not negative or anxious thoughts pop up in our heads, but we are in charge of whether or not we let them build a nest.

For more information on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps, go to his website at Camp Weloki.

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: The most important factor in girls gaining confidence and resilience: Safe bases!

Dr. Jordan’s previous related podcast: In defense of helicopter parents

Resources to help support your daughter:

• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to Bully-Proof Your Daughter
• Dr. Jordan’s article on teaching kids to stand up to bullies: Bullies Beware!

Biography of Fred Rogers, The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers

For information on Dr. Jordan and his wife’s personal growth weekend retreats and summer camps that help girls gain self-awareness, self-confidence, coping skills, and leadership skills, go to his website at Camp Weloki for Girls.

For more information on girl’s emotions and friendships, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls.

For more information on girl’s emotions and friendships, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, “Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.”

For more information on this topic:

• Jordan’s previous podcast: Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up
• Recommended books:
• Raising America by Ann Hulbert
• Anxious Parents by Peter Stearns

For more resources and insights from Dr. Jordan, visit https://drtimjordan.com.

Related resources from Dr. Jordan:

Dr. Jordan’s book: Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls

Previous Dr. Jordan podcasts on similar topics:

●       Why Teens Do Stupid Things

●       Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up

●       How to Help Young Adults Deal with Uncertainty About Their Future

Links to Dr. Jordan’s Previous Podcasts on Related Topics:

●       Goodwill Account podcast

●       8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening podcast

●       Letting Go podcast

●       LGBTQ podcast

●       25 Ways to Connect with Teenagers and Preteens

Related Episodes:

• Homework, Chores, and Routines: Top 4 Tips to Avoid Messing Up the School Year
• How to Purposefully Parent with the End in Mind
• Why Teens Don’t Want to Grow Up

Important Related Links: 

• Kristin Revere’s website
• 
  
• Website for Kristin Revere’s book

How to reach guest John Boruk:

Website: www.smartcollegeadvisor.com

Email: John@ collegefundingsolutions.org

Links to previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:

Why And How You Go To College Is More Important Than Where You Go

Best Ways To Support Your Daughter Through The College Application Process With Dr. Pamela Ellis

Is college necessary for a successful life?

For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit his website.

Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the value of unstructured, unsupervised downtime and the benefits of boredom here.

For more information about Danielle Lindner and her resources: http://www.daniellelindner.com/

Danielle Lindner’s book: Parent’s Pocket Guide to Surviving the Preschool Years: One Challenge at a Time

Dr. Jordan’s site with show notes from this podcast: www.drtimjordan.com

See links to previous related podcasts by Dr. Jordan:

●       Embracing and Learning from Our “Dark Feelings” of Anger, Anxiety, and Grief

●       8 Mistakes Parents Make When Listening

●       A 10 is a 10 is a 10: Understanding a Girl’s Emotional Roller Coaster

If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting Girls: The Challenges Girls Face Today with Their Feelings and Friends and What They Need.

Links to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcasts that are related to this podcast:

Understanding the effects of touch points on children and parents

Are you an unreasonable parent? Perhaps there is a ghost in your nursery.

Find more valuable resources from Dr. Jordan at his website: https://drtimjordan.com 

Links to related articles:

Article on why the modern world is bad for your brain.

Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with Laura Martin, author of the book, Uptime.

Previous podcast episodes on this topic:

• Spiral of Beliefs: How girls can redirect limiting beliefs about themselves
• How To Help Young Adults Learn To Deal With Uncertainty About Their Future
• What Your High School Senior Needs From You

Check out Beth Tyson’s resources about childhood traumas: https://www.bethtyson.com/

Help kids understand their traumas through cartoons: https://www.youtube.com/@all_connected 

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the spiral of beliefs: https://drtimjordan.com/2020/02/beliefs-self-esteem-perspective-identity-depression-trauma-bullying/ 

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on his Dot Theory: https://drtimjordan.com/2021/05/calling-stress-young-adults-teenagers-parents-your-purpose-dot-theory/ 

For more great information about supporting young adults in finding their path, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living: https://www.amazon.com/Letters-Grandfather-Timeless-Wisdom-Living-ebook/dp/B07DFC9NRQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1541795483&sr=1-1&keywords=letters+from+my+grandfather

Link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the benefits of time in nature.

Link to a good article on ways that families could connect with the natural world: 10 Nature Activities for Families article.

Find nature everywhere — and create more of it. National Geographic offers an online guide, Finding Urban Nature, that can help city dwellers. If you have a yard, check out the National Wildlife Federation’s guide to building a backyard wildlife habitat.

Link to Dr. Jordan’s Dinner Dialogue Cards to use at the dinner table, car rides, or around a campfire to learn more about each other.

And of course, sign up your daughters for a week of summer camp with Dr. Jordan at this site: Camp Weloki for Girls

Links to previous podcasts of Dr. Jordans that relate to this topic:

• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How Unrevealed Commitments Prevent You from Getting What You Want
• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Spiral of Beliefs: How Girls Can Redirect Limiting Beliefs About Themselves
• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to Help Young Adults Learn to Deal with Uncertainty About Their Future
• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on emotional overload: Why Girls Need to be Angry, Anxious, and Crying
• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: A Dozen Ways Girls Can Keep Their Power

Links: 

Contact author Bobbi Chegwyn at www.inspiredemptynest.com 

Bobbi Chegwyn’s podcast: www.flymomfly.com

For some great information and insights on important insights and wisdom young adults need to flourish, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living.

How to contact Courtney Page:

Website: www.resume-careers.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneyaustinpage

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/courtney-page-9b473914

For more insights, check these resources:

• Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with author Meg Jay about her book, Supernormal; How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity
• Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast, Spiral of Beliefs: How girls can redirect limiting beliefs about themselves
• Good book on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), The Deepest Well by Nadine Burke Harris

Good books on this topic:

• Brainstorm, by Daniel Siegel
• The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal
• The Female Brain, by Louann Brizendine
• The Male Brain, by Louann Brizendine
• Science of Extreme Altruism

See link for Girls of the World: Doing More Than Ever Before.

Link to Laura Mae Martin’s website and resources: www.lauramaemartin.com.

Link to Uptime: A Practical Guide to Personal Productivity and Wellbeing.

For more information on Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and resources, go to www.drtimjordan.com.

For more resources to support your daughters, check out these episodes:

• Why is my daughter so lonely?
• The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”
• Old, limiting beliefs podcast

For more of Dr. Jordan’s resources to aid your parenting, go to his website at drtimjordan.com for links to his 6 books, his online parenting course, and all of his previously published podcasts.

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on how to make deposits into your goodwill account with your daughter.

Check out Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the vulnerable child syndrome: https://drtimjordan.com/2022/03/parents-overprotective-children-resilience-infertility-addictions-emotions/

Resources:

Maya Smart’s book, Reading for Our Lives: A Literacy Action Plan from Birth to Six

Maya Smart’s website for free resources for parents and teachers: www.MayaSmart.com

For more information about all of Dr. Tim Jordan’s programs and resources for kids and parents, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Links:

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: 12 ways girls give their power away

Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: How to bully-proof your daughter by not giving your power away

Links:

·        Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on why amazing, “old soul girls” are so lonely

·        Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with 3 old souls: The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls”

·        Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Embracing and learning from our “dark feelings” of anger, anxiety, and grief.

·        Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast: Why Girls Refuse to Move On From Toxic Friends

Dr. Tim Jordan sits down with four young women about their relationships with social media and their devices. They also open up about how they first got their mobile devices, how their parents handled this step in their lives, and how they have since used their phones. From their frequently used social media applications to the way they communicate, these girls help us understand what social media and their devices mean to them. Tune in to uncover more about the way teenagers look at the digital landscape, navigate social media, and establish connections through their devices. Dr. Jordan facilitates an insightful conversation, delving into the impact of technology on their daily lives, self-esteem, relationships, and more!

Use these inspiring quotes and stories to set intentions for your parenting and personal life for the upcoming year.

• Jordan’s previous podcast on the spiral of beliefs
• Jordan’s previous podcast, Empowering Young Girls: How To Guide Your Daughter To A Fulfilling Life
• Jordan’s previous podcast interview with Angela Santomero, author of the new book, Life Clues: Unlocking the lessons to an exceptional life

Quotes to start the new year, shift your perspective:

• If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. – Mo Williams
• Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. – Byrd Baggett
• Turn your face to the sun & the shadows fall behind you. – Māori
• And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about. – Haruki Murakami
• Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. – Kahlil Gibran
• Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.
• If you are going through hell, keep going! – Winston Churchill

Take charge of your self-talk and your life:

• Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable. – Theodore Vail
• Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. – Ann Bradford
• Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. – Nido Qubein
• The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation which is always neutral. It is as it is. – Eckhart Tolle
• You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served. – Nina Simone
• You don’t drown by falling into the water; you drown by staying there. – Edwin Louis Cole
• If you want to change what’s going on around you, change what’s going on within you. – Billy Cox
• To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. – Confucius
• No one needs to be a victim of their own biography. – Kelly
• The way you tell your story to yourself matters. – Amy Cuddy
• To be truly happy and productive, you have to tune out the crowd and listen to the voices that we hear in solitude. – Emerson

Create quiet, alone times for reflection, soul searching, and accessing intuition:

• Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you. – Anne Lamott
• Your cell phone has already replaced your watch, camera, calendar, and alarm clock. Please don’t let it replace your friends and family.
• Down time to daydream: When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer- say travelling in a carriage or walking after a good meal or during the night when I cannot sleep- it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. – Mozart
• Slow down to connect more deeply: There’s no WIFI in the forest. But I promise you will find a better connection.

In this episode, our dear host Dr. Tim Jordan talks about the impact of kindness, especially in the face of overwhelming negativity. He shares compelling stories that remind us of the innate goodness within humanity like a story inspired by Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, and Eeyore, showing us the essence of true friendship in difficult times. Examine the meaningful connection between a child's innocence and their capacity to provide unwavering support, reflecting Mr. Rogers' timeless wisdom. Let's make the world a little brighter, one act of kindness at a time. Tune in now!

Previous podcast by Dr. Jordan: Humans Are Naturally Good, But Institutions Make Us Wicked

For more in-depth information about helping your daughters find their calling and trust themselves to zigzag their way to it, read these four books:

• Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living, by Tim Jordan M.D.
• Range, by David Epstein
• Dark Horse: Achieving Success Through the Pursuit of Fulfillment, by Todd Rose
• Finding Your Element, by Sir Ken Robinson

Digital wellness expert Dawn Wible discusses programs for keeping kids safe on their devices and social media.

Dawn shares who is most vulnerable to the harmful effects of devices and social media, including information about the immature adolescent brain.

Dawn talks about the areas in our lives that are deeply affected by our screens and what we can do to move toward healthy and safer habits - digital flourishing vs. addiction.

Dr. Jordan and Dawn go into monitors and filters she recommends, online safety talks with kids/teens, and strategies to "delay" smartphone and social media until later. They also talk about when kids are ready to start using a phone and what kinds of devices to start them with.

Dawn discusses the resource Bark to help parents with monitoring, managing screen time, blocking websites, and track location. She also shares her thoughts on how to do check-ins and hold kids responsible to agreements about usage.

How to contact Dawn Wible and access her resources: https://www.talkmoretechless.com

Bark phones and monitoring

Contact Dr. Jordan at https://drtimjordan.com

Mariana Alessandri, author of Night Vision, discusses the need to normalize all of our emotions and to educate girls to listen to what they have to teach us.

Learn all the ways our culture has conditioned us to be ashamed of our feelings, that it means that we are broken and lazy and weak, and that they need to be diagnosed and medicated.

The author discusses the need to listen to those in pain and not jump to advice or cheering them up; instead to allow them to feel as long as they need to and in their own way and in their own timeline.

Sharing our feelings with others can trigger empathy, compassion, and connection with others. We realize we’re not alone or crazy and that others can understand and relate.

Mariana Alessandri discusses the need for girls and women to feel and express anger, and to understand what anger is telling us about us, our situation, and what action needs to be taken.

Girls can learn a lot by feeling, embracing, and listening to their anxiety. We discuss why kid’s anxiety should be expected due to all of the problems in the world. Girl who follow their own lead and gut and create their own path in life tend to experience anxiety and uncertainty; the price of freedom is uncertainty and anxiety!

Dark moods give us access to connection, compassion, love, creativity, justice, motivation, and self-knowledge; we will carry grief forever and that’s normal and okay. Misery loves company, so use it to find one another who can relate.

How to contact author Mariana Alessandri: https://www.marianaalessandri.com

https://www.instagram.com/mariana.alessandri/ 

https://www.marianaalessandri.com/newsletter

Her book: Night Vision: Seeing Ourselves Through Dark Moods

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com

Gynecologist Dr. Maggie Abraham discusses how to educate girls about the physical changes from puberty and about menstruation management.

Dr. Maggie Abraham is a board-certified OB-GYN with subspecialty training in pediatric and adolescent gynecology. She shares her expertise about educating girls about their bodies.

Learn about when to start conversations about the upcoming changes that puberty will bring, including weight gain and body changes.

Learn about how to educate your daughter about menstruation, including its purpose and also about abnormal periods (excessive pain or bleeding) and possible hormonal therapy.

Dr. Abraham also discusses the kind of counseling girls need in regard to sex education

For more great information about Dr. Abraham and her programs for girls, go to https://thegynspace.com

Dr. Jordan describes how important friends are for girls and their fear of losing them if they confront them about being mistreated, even to the point of putting up with abuse, Girls haven’t learned the skills for handling conflicts directly and so their emotions get pushed below the surface  pushed & fester. These feelings then leak out as drama and relationship aggressions.

Listen in to learn how the wiring of the female brain predisposes females to want to connect, avoid conflict, and maintain social harmony. Since prehistoric times, close bonds and being a part of a group meant you had a much better chance of survival; being left out meant death!

Dr. Jordan discusses how female’s primary response to stress and fearful situations is not fight or flight, it’s tend and befriend. Girls thus prefer to fix their relationships as opposed to ending them.

“Good Girl “conditioning makes it harder for girls to confront others, speak their truth with authority, and know their needs are important too.

Some girls hang onto toxic friends because they feel responsible for their friend’s mental health and fear their friend will go down the tubes if they move on from the friendship.

Many girls are desperate to be included in the more popular group and thus willing to be abused by them. It feels good to be noticed, popular, and have a sense of belonging even if your aren’t treated well.

Don’t push daughter to dump toxic friends.  Listen to her story & feelings, ask what she wants to do, role play setting boundaries, let her know you understand her fear of losing group. She will be more open to hearing your feedback and suggestions if she first feels heard and understood.

For more info on Dr. Jordan’s personal growth/leadership development weekend retreats and summer camps as well as his school program, Strong Girls, Strong World, go to his website at drtimjordan.com

Check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need for a deeper dive into understanding your daughter’s friendship issues and how to support her.

Marnie shares the reasons why teens and adults don’t take the time to practice regular self-care.

Learn the many health and mental health benefits of yoga

Learn about some invaluable self-care habits girls can incorporate into their lives, including: sleep, nutrition, exercise, coping skills to manage stress, screen time balance, maintaining healthy relationships, and mindfulness tools

Dr. Jordan and Marnie discuss how to encourage teens to develop the discipline to practice these habits on a regular basis.

Contact Marnie Dachis Marmet: https://zenfullifecoaching.com

Check out Marnie’s new book,  “My Song Unleashed.” 

Read this article on the 9 benefits of yoga, John Hopkins medicine

Check out resources for teens and parents at Dr. Jordan’s website, https://drtimjordan.com

Perhaps there is a different, healthier kind of diet plan that would better suit the developmental and social-emotional needs of girls in grade school on up. Here are some items girls may want to consider giving up = mental health diet

Fitting in

Move on from toxic friends

Non-verbal relationship aggressions

Caring what other people think

Talking about others behind their backs & spreading rumors

Good Girl conditioning

Comparing themselves to peers and online people

Restricting social media

Old, negative beliefs about themselves

Catching themselves when ruminating & switching their thoughts

Making decisions based on pleasing or not disappointing others

Let go of all the excuses for why they don’t practice regular self-care

Instead of focusing on dieting to look hot in their bathing suit this school year, girls would do better to let go of the unhealthy patterns in the 12 points above. They would feel more content, confident, relaxed, fulfilled, powerful, and happy.

Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on keeping the end in mind & putting first things first

Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on The spiral of beliefs & reframing negative beliefs about yourself

The book, The Soul’s Code, offers a way to see thru children’s misbehaviors for the deeper meaning behind them, i.e., see the oak tree when all you have in front of you is an acorn.

Too many kids get mislabeled & misdiagnosed because our lens is so short-term oriented; also the medical & psychological communities are so pathology & negative & deficit focused.

Children’s behaviors reveal something positive about the child, instead of seeing developmental problems, look for the beauty & meaning in what you see and then love and accept your kids for who they are.

Dr. Jordan shares many stories of his patients and eminent people to illustrate how an important part of our job as parents is to create an environment for children’s soul and destiny to flourish. This includes stories about Gandhi, Picasso, pioneering geneticist Barbara McClintock, Woody Allen, Painter Benjamin West, architect Frank Lloyd Wright, climber Sir Edmund Hillary, primatologists Jane Goodall and Brute Mary Galdikas, and actress Betty Davis.

Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the Dot Theory

Link to the book, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling,  by James Hillman

For more info on Dr. Jordan’s books and camps and programs, go to www.drtimjordan.com  

Running weekly family meetings results in more closeness, increased cooperation, kids who feel empowered & heard, & kids learning many crucial life skills.

Here are some of the main intentions for running family meetings:

• All have a voice, feel heard & understood & important
• Advocate & get in other’s shoes = develop more empathy, perspective
• Create win-win agreements: ensures greater cooperation, easier to follow thru
• Learn problem-solving & brainstorming skills
• Handle sibling rivalry. Kids take responsibility for their conflicts
• Learn leadership skills

Guidelines for running family meetings: go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com to get my list of 12 guidelines for running family meetings.

Some of the results of family meetings:

• Kids take on more responsibility
• Agreements/accountability model vs. rules/punishments
• Proactive approach, stay on top of things, less reactive, more peaceful home
• Eliminate nagging, reminding, rehashing, yelling, threatening to take things away, and annoying sticker systems = stop manipulating kids with a carrot-stick approach.
• Kids feel heard, empowered, valuable, confident, close, and relaxed
• Blended families: makes it easier for step-parents to be able to be involved in disciplining their step-kids

Dr. Jordan’s website: www.drtimjordan.com

In this podcast, listen to the recent story of how World Cup soccer player Jenni Hermoso was forcibly kissed by soccer federation president Luis Rubiales and how this experience mirrors so many other times when girls and women have had their boundaries crossed.

Learn the sobering statistics of how few rape cases are reported, prosecuted, and convicted and why this is so.

Understand how the brain changes how it is encoding memories during sexual assaults which creates gaps in women’s memories of the assault.

Learn how quickly stress hormones are released by the brain during assaults and how these impair the prefrontal cortex and its ability to reason.

Learn the brain and evolutionary reasons why women respond to terror and assaults by primitive brain responses such as freezing, tonic immobility, and dissociation. if the fear circuitry perceives escape as impossible and resistance as futile, then not fight or flight, but extreme survival reflexes (which scientists call “animal defense responses”) will take over to try to protect women. Women’s body’s are literally paralyzed by fear, thus making them unable to move, run, speak, or cry out.

Women don’t cry out because Broca’s area of the brain, our speech center, shuts down as a way to not draw attention to them; thus, women are literally scared speechless.

Dr. Jordan shares ways we need to approach girls and women who have been sexually assaulted or raped to make them feel safe, heard, understood, and supported. This will require education police officers, any first responders, ER staff, doctors and nurses, teachers, and parents.

Good resources for further information on this topic:

Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town, by Jon Krakauer

Spanish soccer player Jenni Hermosa kissed by federation president Luis Rubiales

What people misunderstand about rape article: NY Times, 8-22-23 Jen Percy

SHOW NOTES: 

Dr. Jordan many reasons why kids engage us in power struggles including: feel disconnected from distracted parents, intense & powerful temperament, autocratic parenting style, being tired or hangry or overstimulated, pushed to conform to other’s expectations

Learn also the need for parents to understand why their child might trigger them to get angry and engaged in these conflicts, including old issues/feelings from our paths

Learn how to handle calls from homesick college freshmen to empower them to learn how to cope, problem-solve, and grow in confidence.

Many parents have been guilty of doing too much for their daughters prior to launching them off to college: solving problems, advocating, rescuing, not allowing her to make mistakes or suffer, wanting her to be happy always

This results in girls never learning coping skills, how to handle the normal ups & downs of life, face adversity & struggle thru it to overcome obstacles and gain confidence; they lack the confidence to face adversity and handle it because they weren’t allowed to growing up.

Dr. Jordan describes a typical call from a homesick college freshman. He shares how to listen, mirror, normalize and validate their feelings, and then how to turn over the problem-solving to them.

Learn some helpful phrases to turn problems back over to them to solve such as: “So, what will you do?” “What have you tried?” “What could you do different?” “How could you approach the problem in a different way?” “What have you done in the past when you felt stuck like this?” “You might want to take a break, calm down, & then come back and try again.”

Ask who they could reach out to for support and encourage them to use whatever coping strategies have worked in the past: journal, art, music, poetry, letters, nature, exercise, join a club to meet people like did in HS.

Dr. Jordan also discusses how to handle the issues of whether or not to have them come home and also how to set boundaries about phone calls home.

For a good read for your high school or college aged daughter, use this link to have them find and read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living

Here’s the link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with 4 high school seniors discussing why they are afraid to grow up.

Dr. Jordan discusses how girls can reframe past experiences & scars into healthy stories

Dr. Jordan describes an exercise he did with his high school campers where they visualized any scars they carry, physical or emotional, from past experiences & which carried strong emotions. The girls then painted something positive and beautiful over their scars where previously they’d seen only brokenness or pain or bad memories.

Listen to the stories of the kinds of scars girls carry and the harmful effects on them.

Learn some of the ways that Dr. Jordan helped these girls look at their scars in a different light: reframe past negative beliefs with his spiral of beliefs process; visualization of passing shame back to the person who deserves it, not you; journaling your story & what you want to let go of; write a letter to the person who hurt you & then burn it; link to Dr. Jordan’s teaching kids to forgive and move on podcast

Journaling about the lessons and gifts you received from the past trauma and scars: learn about Kintsugi, the Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with gold to represent the idea that beauty can be found in imperfection.

Dr. Jordan also discusses the “steeling effect” of exposure to some hardship steels us against impact of future ones. Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with author Meg Jay (Meg Jay podcast: How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity

Click on this link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the above-mentioned process of “the spiral of beliefs”

For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Creating a lot of down time at our camp allows kids to take initiative & create their own fun and games.

In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how seldom kids get to experience unsupervised down time where they can take initiative and create their own fun.

Dr. Jordan describes the game Snake Pit which his campers created several years ago and how it has evolved with each new week of campers.

Older generations were allowed as kids to have much more unsupervised down time where they were left to their own devices to generate their own fun. Learn the many invaluable lessons we learned from having this down time such as street smarts, taking initiative, self-responsibility, and taking responsibility for our boredom.

Dr. Jordan also describes the value and benefits from allowing kids to daydream and be bored. Daydreaming and boredom is when our brain is most relaxed & the usual filters are off; this allows moments of greatest creativity, self-awareness, insight, and problem-solving.

When we have a choice as to how to fill our empty space, we fill it with our passions, many of which are creative: writers, musicians, designers, and artists often do their best work and get their new creative ideas from moments of being bored.

So, when your child says, “Dad, I’m bored” & they want you to take responsibility for it, ask this questions, “So, what will you do?” brainstorm ideas, buy supplies, and turn them loose.

Don’t overschedule every moment of their lives; create more down time like we do at Camp Weloki. You’ll be amazed at what kids will create when left to their own devices w/o adult meddling.

Check out Dr. Jordan’s weeklong summer camps and weekend retreats at: www.campweloki.com

Show Notes:

BENEFITs of practicing forgiveness

Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders. Stress relief is probably the chief factor connecting forgiveness and well-being. 

Harmful effects of not forgiving

Not forgiving results in worse mental and physical health, and economic, social and spiritual problems. When kids are wronged and don’t forgive, they remain “stuck” in the traumatic situation when they felt victimized. Every time they recall the hurtful event, they re-experience their stress response.

How do we teach kids about forgiveness?

Become aware of the costs to you

Forgiveness is for you; it's letting go of any feelings you've allowed the other person to bring up in you.

Forgiving others opens up space for growth, happiness, and closeness.

Teach kids to be in charge of their feelings and reactions to experiences and other people. Use the tomato word tool and the "I'm an ass, you're an ass" tool to not give their power away. 

Learn to come from understanding vs. judgement.

Replace (-) emotions with empathy, sympathy,  understanding, compassion, and love.

Contact Dr. Jordan: https://drtimjordan.com

The following are 5 ways we are sucking the heart and soul out of our children’s lives and with great cost:

1.   Lack of down time for unsupervised, self-directed play: kids need the freedom to explore and take things apart and play with ideas. This also requires enough down time for kids to be bored, daydream and really get into the flow of their creative processes.

2.   We don’t value the arts: We need to give artists, dancers, musicians, budding actors, and teachers the same amount of financial and emotional support as you give kids in sports.

3.   Kids have lost their love of learning: Kids learn to just play the ‘game of school’ and give adults what they want, but they lose their motivation and love of learning in the process.

4.   There is too much focus on external motivators: Teens and adults who are driven by internals like being of service and making a difference are happier, more fulfilled, and have richer relationships. Be very careful with what you focus on.

5.   Kids have lost the joy of playing sports for the love of the game: Too much emphasis on competition, winning, and achieving college scholarships has drained the love of the game out of youth sports.

What kids need:

1.   More unsupervised down time for kids to follow their own interests and passions & learn thru play

2.   Put as much value and encouragement into activities your kids are into like art, music, theater; let go of the fear they’ll never make $ doing it.

3.   Parents & the educational system let go of pressuring kids to all achieve straight A’s and to pad their resumes & do activities b/c it looks good on their college app; teach in a way that kids see the meaning in what they are studying; allow time for kids to pursue their own interests for the love of learning; autonomy, engagement, mastery

4.   Playing for plays sake: focus on playing for the love of the game vs. winning or getting a college scholarship

Resources:

Listen to a previous podcast by Dr. Jordan on How youth sports are negatively affecting our daughters  

A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink

Out of Our Minds: learning to be creative, by Ken Robinson

The High Price of Materialism (http://www.amazon.com/The-High-Price-Materialism-Kasser by Tim Kasser

Using her book, Cassandra Speaks, author Elizabeth Lesser describes how our human stories and our views of women would change if women were the storytellers.

Elizabeth Lesser describes the mythological story of Cassandra where the god Zeus punished her with the gift of clairvoyance but the curse of no one listening to her or believing her thoughts. This story depicts how our culture still mistrusts and devalues girls and women’s intuition and perspectives.

Dr. Jordan and the author discuss what story Eve would have told about picking the apple and about her journey after leaving the garden and what lessons humanity have learned from her story.

This podcast discusses the need to redefine courage, power, and leadership vs. make women and girls change to fit the old, masculine model.

Elizabeth Lesser describes the imposter syndrome and how it relates to how women doubt and devalue themselves.

Learn about what the author means by the need to start valuing and affirming “first, first responders”.

Learn also how repressing girl’s anger resurfaces as relationship aggressions and mean girl drama.

Link to Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes

Read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead for more information on empowering our girls.

Dr. Jordan interviews 4 young adult women about the lingering social & academic effects from covid.

Questions discussed in this interview:

What grade were you in when covid hit & you had to go virtual?

What did you like, dislike about virtual learning?

What was it like for you socially when you 1st returned to in-person school?

Any lingering effects socially from your covid experience? Still social awkwardness among peers? Anxiety?

What did you learn about yourself? Any gifts from the experience?

Describe what you learned about coping with adversity & uncertainty from covid and any strengths you discovered that you didn’t know you had.

What advice would you give to parents about supporting their kids academically and socially with the lingering effects of covid in mind?

For a deeper understanding of girl’s social and emotional lives, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course,  Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.  

Girls need to decide what success & having it all means for them, & to develop the following qualities to achieve a fulfilling life.

The following are key ingredients for achieving success:

Create your own end in mind, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on beginning with the end in mind

Autonomy creates engagement which then develops mastery

The pursuit of fulfillment will lead them to success, not the other way around

Being allowed to solve your own problems and overcome obstacles and challenges helps girls to develop grit, resiliency, and self-efficacy which in turn creates more optimism and hopefulness

Learn to trust and follow your intuition, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on teaching girls to make better decisions

Teach girls that most successful adults zig-zagged their way to their calling and success, they didn’t go in a straight line at 18 years directly to their calling

Learn to cope with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and uncertainty, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on Sunday Scaries & Trigger Warnings

Be willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn, and retry

Retain your curiosity, love of learning, and creativity

Embrace your feminine energies and leadership qualities; Instead of making girls change to fit our masculine leadership paradigm, change the way we all see power & leadership

Value people skills and interpersonal effectiveness such as collaboration, resolve conflicts, negotiate, communicate ideas effectively, know your strengths/weaknesses, win-win, sell yourself

Focus on more internal, intrinsic values like being of service and doing meaningful work vs. externals like becoming rich and famous

Be in charge of what “having it all” means for you

For great ideas about how to empower your daughter, check out Dr. Jordan’s book: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

For more information on all of Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and school programs, visit www.drtimjordan.com

Learn the truth about Sunday scaries & trigger warnings as well as how to prevent & manage them.

The Sunday scaries are nagging feelings of nervousness and anxiety that creep up on people as the weekend winds down and the new work week approaches; it’s about the anxiety & dread about returning to work on Monday

Learn how to zoom out of your life and figure out specifically what is causing your anxiety on Sunday and that will direct you to where you need to do some work.

Dr. Jordan discusses the roles that rumination and not dealing with everyday emotions plays in causing the Sunday scaries.

Learn ways to manage and prevent beginning of the week anxieties:

- Creating a practical intention on Sundays for the week ahead can help us navigate workplace stressors more effectively

-Stop multitasking: more mistakes, work takes longer which creates more stress

-Change attitude from have-to to want to or get to: feel more autonomy, in control

-Focus on gratitude

-Work out conflicts with co-workers if that’s what you dread

-Find work you love to do: ask to be switched to job or role that appeals to you; start working towards starting a new career or new job, do research = creates energy

-Focus on picking up skills that will make you more marketable and add to your identity capitol

-Focus on your truth: work week ends up being fine once you get there & get to work

Express emotions regularly so they don’t build up to overwhelm and leak out as anxiety

Links to good articles on the Sunday scaries:

Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health

How to ward off the Sunday scaries: CNN.com

How to beat the Sunday Scaries: Headspace

Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health,   Science behind Sunday scaries: 1-14-23 MI Blues Perspective

Trigger warnings: “Content warnings” or “trigger warnings” refer to verbal or written alerts that assigned material, including academic writing or artistic expression, may involve sensitive or upsetting themes or details that may cause a student to have an emotional response tied to a personal experience. Topics may include: sexual assault, domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, child abuse, racial hate crimes, transphobic violence, homophobic harassment, xenophobia

Dr. Jordan investigates the questions: Do trigger warnings work to decrease anxiety & help people manage their traumas? Do they help trauma survivors emotionally prepare to engage with difficult material? 

Learn the difference between anticipatory vs. response anxiety: In a large study, trigger warnings didn’t meaningfully reduce the amount of distress students felt in the face of potentially disturbing content, such as graphic depictions of rape or violence, nor did they nudge students to avoid this material entirely. This held true for people with and without a history of trauma. Warnings did, however, increase the amount of anxiety students felt before experiencing the material in question= anticipatory anxiety

Studies found substantial evidence that trigger warnings reinforce survivors’ view of their trauma as central to their identity; People who view trauma as a core part of their identity have worse symptoms

The encouraging growth of studies has begun to converge on the consensus that trigger warnings are not typically helpful in reducing anxiety. This finding has been consistent across various types of trigger warnings and types of potentially triggering content

Dr. Jordan discusses the need for parents to help kids learn to deal with being uncomfortable and with uncertainty, as well as learn to advocate for themselves so that they can take care of their emotions and needs in college.

 Links to articles on trigger warnings:

My podcast with HS seniors about why they are so afraid to grow up

Do trigger warnings help or hurt: Wall street J. 2-10-23

Harm from trigger warnings:

Little effect of trigger warnings on individuals with trauma histories: 6-1-20 Sage Journals

Show Notes: Listen to author Ginny Luther’s story about learning how to raise her independent-minded son Bart, the childhood traumas he triggered in her, and the tragic story of his death in the military.

Temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded, intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, ADHD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral.

Discover how Ginny learned to connect with Bart, stay detached from his power struggles, and how to empower him to get the best from him.

Listen as author Ginny Luther describes how her son triggered old memories of her abusive childhood and how she learned to grow thru them so that they didn’t interfere with parenting her son.

Listen to Ginny describe her son Barts experiences in the military and his tragic death at the hands of a soldier in his platoon. Ginny also describes the grieving process she went thru as well as the foundation she and her husband Jack founded in Bart’s name: Blue Star Parents. You can find information about the foundation at bartsbluestar.org

Here’s the link to Ginny Luther’s new book: Blue star grit: A mother’s journey of triumph and tragedy raising a defiant child into an exceptional leader

Check out this link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the need to find more opportunities for girls to experience risk and adventure

Research shows that time in nature is associated with improved mental health, decreased stress, enhanced creativity and prosocial behaviors, and increased connection to each other.

This podcasts describes the research behind the positive effects of more contact and interaction with nature, including: reduced anger, fear, and stress and the production of stress hormones. Being in nature is good for improving concentration and decreasing the mental fatigue associated with living in stressful urban environments. urban environments require what’s called directed attention, which forces us to ignore distractions and exhausts our brains. In natural environments, we practice an effortless type of attention known as soft fascination that creates feelings of pleasure, not fatigue.

Interactions with nature also creates positive restorative outcomes related to stress reduction, relaxation, tranquility, escapism, physical exercises, increased longevity, and recovery from sickness.

Dr. Jordan describes the positive effects of bird-watching and listening to birdsongs either in person or via recordings.

This podcast also discusses the findings of Dr. Richard Louv in his insightful book, Last child in the woods: saving our children from nature-deficit disorder, including the link between access to greenspace and attention deficit disorder and children’s well-being. 

Dr. Jordan also discusses the benefits of time in nature for children in particular including: building confidence, promoting creating creativity and imagination, teaching responsibility, getting kids moving, and encouraging kids to think.

Nature in many ways also connects us all to each other and the larger world and read here of the research that demonstrates this benefit.

Dr. Jordan also describes in detail some ideas about how parents can increase their children and family’s engagement in nature. He gives lots of ideas of activities to do together with your children outdoors, as well as fun outdoor activities he does with the girls who attend his weekend retreats and summer camps at Camp Weloki for girls

10 Nature Activities for Families article: ways that families could connect with the natural world

bird-watching:

Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast where he interviews the author of the book, No Boundaries book podcast, 2-24-22)  describing some eminent women who are doing some unique, groundbreaking work in nature; the book will provide your girls some role models for working in nature.

For information on Dr. Jordans weekend retreats & summer camps for girls, click on this link: Camp Weloki for Girls

Elevate your parenting by creating an end in mind and using it to guide all of your decisions; listen in for how to do this.

Learn the two main fears driving today’s parents to micromanage and overprotect their children: fears your kids are falling behind their peers and the uncertainty of how to prepare kids for an uncertain and ever-changing future so different from parent’s experiences.

Begin with the end in mind: use this habit from Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, to decide on what’s most important and what you value most for your family and parenting. This end in mind becomes the basis for all of your parenting decisions, not what’s popular or what everyone else is doing.

Dr. Jordan discusses how to develop a personal and family mission statement in order to focus on what’s important for you personally and for your family.

Learn the steps for running weekly family meetings to empower kids to take more responsibility at home and to learn to advocate for themselves, listen to the needs of others, create win-win agreements, build community, and develop self-determination.

Understand the value of putting first things first and focusing on things that are most important such as: prevention, relationship building, planning, recreation, mission statement, family meetings, celebrating successes.

Focus more time on important but not urgent things: things that are important should contribute to your mission and values and highest goals; we are too easily diverted into responding to urgent things that are not important.

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities

To get a copy of our family meeting guidelines for your family, email Anne@drtimjordan.com and ask to receive a copy directly to your email.

For more info on how to develop a family mission statement, go to this link: https://msb.franklincovey.com/missions/family/  

Click on this link to order Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living

The critical ingredients for developing talent are inspiration, deep practice, good coaches, and autonomy.

In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes what kids need in order to develop their talents:

Autonomy: creative geniuses are not qualitatively better in their fields; they produced > volume of work that gave them > variation and a higher chance of originality; quantity is the most predictable path to quality.

Thus, kids need to have autonomy in choosing their interests, down time to try things out and daydream and take risks and make mistakes

Dr. Jordan describes the concept of deep practice which underlies the 10,000 hour rules of mastery; This starts with ignition or getting inspired by role models. Experience causes intense, unconscious emotional response = love, fascination, inspired, on fire = “I want to be like them, willing to delay gratification: “I want X, so I better do Y like crazy right now”, motivated by desire to connect ourselves to high-achieving people or groups.

Deep practice repetition: reach or stretch self slightly beyond your current ability, spending time in the zone of difficulty called the sweet spot.

Myelin: wraps nerve fibers making signal stronger, faster, more accurate by preventing electrical impulses from leaking out; whenever practice anything, myelin responds by wrapping layers of insulation around that neural circuit, each new layers adds a little more skill and speed; the thicker the myelin gets, the better it insulates & the faster and more accurate our movements & thoughts become.

the more you generate impulses to specific area of brain, encountering & overcoming difficulties, the more neural scaffolding you build; the more scaffolding you build, the faster you learn.

Practice makes myelin, and myelin makes perfect; nerve firings grow myelin; myelin controls speed; impulse speed is skill; need autonomy, passion, persistence b/c wrapping myelin around a big circuit requires immense energy & time.

Importance of early coaches: crucial in 1st phase of learning to get learner involved, captivated, hooked, and to need & want more info & expertise; made initial learning pleasant, fun, rewarding; much was playful activity, like a game. The best coaches use explain, demonstrate, imitation, correction, and repetition.

Other topics described in this podcast:

Value passion where you find it; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Give kids autonomy to choose activities and move on when they want to; Trust that inspiration & motivation come at different ages & often thru misfortune; Help them find their tribe; affirm character vs. actions

Read these books for a more in-depth look at developing talent: Range by David Epstein; The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, Dark Horse by Todd Rose, Originals by Adam Grant, The Element by Ken Robinson

Go to www.drtimjordan.com for more resources from Dr. Jordan

It’s healthy for girls to realize the many ways their parents do love them vs. lamenting the ways they don’t.

Dr. Jordan describes the concept of ‘Ghosts in the nursery’ to discover the reasons underlying parent’s behaviors;

link to previous podcast on ghosts in the nursery

Reframing parent’s behaviors as ways they are loving their children is therapeutic and keeps kids out of anger, resentment, and feeling unloved.

Examples of how parents love their daughters:

Acts of service, doing things for them, giving rides, fixing things

Working long hours to provide a good life for them

Over worrying, micromanaging, and overprotecting are ways parents show love and concern.

Being overly strict, asking 50 questions about their daughter’s life, putting a child up for adoption, and going right to fix-it mode when listening

Parents with a different love language than their daughter may have a harder time showing love in the way girls prefer, thus the need to educate each other about your love language

For lots of reasons, sometimes parents are unable to provide the love a girl needs in the way she wants it, and so it is normal and critical she finds other parent figures who can be there in the ways she needs at different times in her life

For more information on how to support your daughter’s emotions and friendship challenges, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Learn some specific ways parents can support high school seniors as they transition to the next leg of their journey.

Understand & normalize touch point feelings: lots of emotions arrive with any change, transition, and leap in development. Help your daughter become aware of these feelings, reframe them as normal, and find healthy ways to express them.

Encourage girls to focus on all of the emotions they are feeling, not just anxiety; i.e. excitement, adventure, freedom.

Link to Previous podcast on touch points

Listen without solving their problems, fixing, or rescuing. Listen, mirror, get in her shoes, empathize, don’t jump to problem-solving & fix-it mode; share your stories so she knows you can relate.

Link to Previous podcast on listening

Link to Previous podcast: why teens don’t want to grow up

Let go of knowing what’s best for them; it’s their life & path now; Let go of the teacher role; become a consultant vs. a manager or micromanager

Girls need to cultivate quiet, alone time to reflect, process thru issues, become aware of intuition & gut & what their heart says; take long walks, journal, art to open up creative parts of brain

Reframe belief that 1 mistake or “bad” decision will derail their whole life, tell your stories of mistakes & your zig-zagging path

Dot Theory: be open to dots, follow heart & urges, life will connect dots, life unfolds;

Link to previous podcast on Dr. Jordan’s dot theory:

Ask how they want you to support them with process of transition:

Ps responsibility is to ask what they need, respect it, set boundaries

Girl’s responsibility is to continually educate parents about what they need, how they want parents to support them, be specific, set boundaries

Learn to connect in different ways:

Relationship will change, will never be the same: grieve the loss

Can be better, kids on more equal footing, can watch fruits of your labors come to fruition

Even high school seniors need a safe base: like when they were toddlers, just be there in the way they want you to be there

Take care of yourself:

Easier for kids to move on if not pulled back by struggling parents

Importance of investing time in marriage all along the way so not strangers when kids leave the nest

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you.   A.A. Milne

To access the links Dr. Jordan referred to in this podcast, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com or click on the links above.

Understanding why your teen is disrespectful will help you stay more detached and supportive.

The many ways we disrespect teenagers:

School: early start times, expecting every teen to be a perfect generalist, parents and teachers focusing on achievement over character

We label and medicate strongminded, independent, powerful kids vs. understand their growing edges and providing outlets for their power.

Having an autocratic parenting style: parents are disrespectful when they yell, criticize, spank, micromanage, not give kids choices and decision-making, dissuade teens from their interests and passions, try to mold them into our vision of who they are and their future path

Listening: it’s disrespectful when listening to our kids to interrupt, go too quickly to fix-it mode, and not respect the context for sharing that is most safe for them. Listen to my podcast from 5-4-23 on 8 mistakes parents make with listening.

Tell child’s personal stories to parent’s friends or relatives

Compare them to siblings and blame the oldest child too often

Bombard them with 20 questions as she walks in the door after school, not allowing her  time to decompress and make sense of her day.

Excessively high expectations, not let your child create their own expectations or create their own path.

Not understand teenager’s separation-individuation stage with its need to build their own identity distinct from ours.

Not allow them more privacy and alone time in room

Parents can be disrespectful by taking their own anger out on their children

Teenager’s emotional brain matures faster than their prefrontal cortex, causing them to get angry and overwhelmed and moody; parents become disrespectful when they take their teen’s moods personally and react with the same.

Not allow them to have their own opinions, not let go of the teacher role as they grow up, and not turn over knowing what’s best for them

Ask permission before you give advice!

If you want to remain an influence in your daughter’s life, avoid these 8 mistakes parents make in listening.

8 Mistakes parents make when listening:

Stop giving me advice! Just listen, mirror, and empathize without trying to reassure, fix, or problem-solve; when girls share they shift from their amygdala & emotional centers into their prefrontal cortex where reason can supplant emotion.

Be fully present vs. distracted!

Don’t turn my venting around and make it about you!

Stop hailing on me! The concept of the turtle, your teen, and the hailstorm, you, fits here. Teens often normally retreat a little into their shells due to their need for privacy and individuation. Parents often worry due to receiving less information from their teen, so they ‘hail’ more, i.e., ask more questions at the wrong time, which causes the turtle to retreat further into their shell, and so on. So stay calm, don’t hail, and the turtle has a responsibility to poke their heads out and share more so that you both avoid this issue.

Respect my context: allow teens to have more control over when, where, and how they share with you. If teen not sharing about their experience or feelings, try not asking direct questions about them but instead ask how their peers are feeling about the issue. Dr. Jordan offers more examples of how to find the con text that works best to make her feel safe to open up.

Stop playing hot potato with my emotions! Once she vents, your daughter often walks away feeling lighter and thus can move on from the situation. Don’t be left holding onto all of her stuff, release it and you move on as well.

Stop putting your crap onto my story! Don’t add your feelings & personal past stories from your childhood into their stories and situations, it causes them to feel overwhelmed. Dr. Jordan describes the concept of Ghosts in the nursery click on this link to hear his previous podcast on this concept.

How Ps handle their own distress strongly influences the psychological climate at home, which then shapes the emotional lives of kids. Teens need a safe, secure base they can rely on to be there for them when needed. So,  stay calm when responding to an upset teen.

 Be available: if you are around enough and available, teens know they can count on you to be there just in case they need to talk or bounce things off of you. Just like when they were toddlers and came back for some loving support, teens need the same kind of present, caring parent for security and love.

For more information on how to support your daughters, go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com and check out past blogs and podcasts, my 6 books, and my retreats and camps.

Understanding what your emotions are teaching you normalizes them & aids girls in managing them.

Feelings Meanings: see feelings as vital sources of information, motivation, and they are trustworthy. Emotional distress often prompts our most growth-giving actions and lessons. We need to help girls get comfortable with the reality that they will at times have to live with emotional discomfort and uncertainty.

Good mental health is having the right feelings at the right time and being able to manage those emotions effectively. This quote from author Lisa Damour is exactly spot on, so help your daughters normalize all of their emotions.

Dr. Jordan describes the concept of overload symptoms that leak out due to feelings having built up to the point of overwhelm. These include symptoms like having a hard time falling asleep, snapping angrily at others or themselves, anxiety, and depression. We need to be slower at pinning diagnose on girls and medicating them as the first line treatment for things like anxiety and depression.

Listen to Dr. Jordan describe what emotions might be telling your daughters, including: anger, anxiety, sadness and depression, disappointment, uncertainty, cryi8ng, urges and intuition, stress, frustration, and peer pressure.

Listen to this podcast with your daughter and discuss her emotions and what they might be teaching her about herself.

For more information on the emotional lives on girls, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

The following 3 issues are current plagues that are damaging girls: good girl conditioning, the lack of down time and unstructured play, and early specialization in sports and activities.

Dr. Jordan describes how girls experience unhealthy good girl conditioning. He describes lists of qualities of good girls, bad girls, and real girls derived from discussions at his retreats and camps.

Also discussed are the detrimental and confusing mixed messages girls receive due to the good girl habituation.

This podcast discusses the effect of several intensification movements in education that amped up academic pressures on kids to their detriment. This caused a decrease in the amount of down time kids experience today. He also discusses the negative effects of reduced recess that afflicts most kids today as well as the benefits of real, unstructured, unsupervised, kid-directed play.

The third plague discussed is the early specialization in sports and music and other activities experienced by girls today. Go back and relisten to his previous podcast on the damage youth sports does to kids in this link: Take back the game podcast 1-19-23

Dr. Jordan also presents good data on the value of letting kids sample lots of activities where they can, in the words of author David Epstein in his book, Range: “Eventual elites play a variety of sports, mostly in unstructured or lightly structured environments (think backyard pickup games). They learn. They develop. They gain a range of skills. In the process, they discover not just what they're really good at ... but also what they really like. Then they focus. Then they dedicate. Then they pursue excellence.”

For other resources on this topic, go to Dr. Jordan’s website at www.drtimjordan.com

Learn the many reasons why girls may feel lonely & disconnected, including friendship drama & social media

Dr. Jordan shows mental health stats of college women, including large numbers who feel very lonely and isolated. You will also hear stats about the high level of loneliness and disconnection amongst today’s adults.

Dr. Jordan describes the many reasons behind girls feeling lonely learned from working with girls in his counseling practice, retreats, summer camps (Camp Weloki For Girls), and school program (Strong Girls, Strong World).

Friendship drama, exclusion, and the resulting negative spiral of beliefs

The difficulty some girls have in finding like-minded peers who get them and connect with their interests

Living with distracted parents and divorced parents

Old souls who have a hard time finding peers who match their level of maturity and depth

The feelings overwhelm many girls experience from stuffing their emotions

The lack of safe spaces girls experience where they are free to be authentic, vulnerable, and real

Learn what the best group cultures do to bring safety, trust, and closeness to their organization, team, or group

Dr. Jordan describes the effects of electronic devices and social media on our ability to feel safe, process other’s emotions and intentions, develop empathy and compassion for others, and our ability to develop intimacy and closeness with others

Resources:

2 books by Sherry Turkle: Alone Together; Reclaim Conversation

The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle

Smart Girls, Gifted Women by Barbara Kerr

Author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson discusses her book, Wise Decisions, and how to teach girls how to make better choices

The following are topics discussed with author Dr. Sheila Ohlsson:

How to reframe old negative beliefs that become girl’s harmful inner voice

How girls can create their own end in mind, or per Dr. Ohlsson, their Y.O.D.A. your own decision advisor, to help direct their decision-making

How to access and trust their inner voices: cultivate quiet time, tune into their body symptoms and their gut and urges and their heart to know what’s right for them

How girls can use their end in mind as a north star to avoid being overwhelmed by having so many choices to sift through about colleges, majors, and careers

How to trust that finding their purpose is a process and that their life will unfold naturally if they follow their intuition and end in mind

For more information about Dr. Ohlsson and her book, Wise Decisions: a science-based approach to making better choices, check out her website at www.sheilaohlssonwalker.com 

Teach your daughter how to be aware of & trust her gut alarms & what blunts them, set firm boundaries, create criteria for sexuality before dating, & how to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy.

In a fictional letter to his daughter, a dad imparts some wisdom to help her take care of herself on prom night. This advice includes:

Don’t buy into the cultural myth that prom is a coming-of-age party where it’s expected that you get wasted and have sex. Make your own decisions.

How to find non-sexual ways to experience intimacy.

How to become aware of and trust your internal alarms, i.e., your gut intuition.

Become aware of what might blunt your alarm: alcohol and drugs, desperately needing a boyfriend or wanting him to like you, worrying that you’re being lame, allowing self-doubts to confuse you, or low self-esteem.

How to set clear, firm boundaries

The importance of making a list of your criteria for a dating relationship, including sexual behavior. Creating your own standards while quiet and clear-headed is a much better proposition than trying to make good decisions in the heat of the moment.

I love you but what’s more important than that is, do YOU love you? You will take care of yourself in direct proportion to what you feel you deserve.

For some more wisdom that girls need to navigate their adolescence, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living

Dorothy’s heroine’s journey illustrates how girls must face their fears and overcome adversities in order to gain the strength and resources to face the adult world.

Dr. Jordan briefly describes the heroine’s journey that all girls must embark on in order to grow into strong, courageous adults. Dr. Jordan’s Heroine’s journey podcast 8-5-21

Using many examples from the movie, Dr. Jordan brings out different aspects of girl’s growth towards adulthood as shown metaphorically in the movie including:

-How facing your fears and just showing up is a huge piece of the journey

-How girls must overcome challenges and embrace all parts of herself as exemplified by the scarecrow (intellect, intuition, and street smarts), the tin man (compassion, service), lion (courage, facing and overcoming fears), Glinda (spirituality), and the wizard (Inner knowing).

-How we all already possess what we often desire the most

Dr. Jordan also notes that women are the primary power holders in the movie: Miss Gulch, Glinda, the wicked witch of the west

By movie’s end, Dorothy has pulled back the curtain to see things as they really are, accumulated the wisdom to create her heart’s desire, and is ready to meet the world as an adult.

Parent’s role in their daughter’s heroine’s journey: Help girls understand, be aware of their heroine’s journey, normalize the uncertainty and anxiety around touch points; it’s okay to struggle and face uncertainty and be faced with adversities and challenges, they will need mentors besides their parents, the need for quiet alone time to reflect, process thru and integrate experiences

Parents need to share their stories so daughters know that they too can get thru the challenges of the journey, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; teach the self-compassion piece about universal experience that past people have gotten thru this journey so you will too.

For more info on how to support your daughter along their heroine’s journey, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls

Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence.

Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping.

Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them.

Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision.

Debunking stranger danger:

Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers

Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents

There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted

Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time

Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim.

Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them.

Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear.

Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages:

7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com 

Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services

Safety tips:

Show Notes:

Overblown parental fears regarding stranger danger adds undo anxiety to children and zaps their confidence.

Every generation has offered things for parents to worry about including: abductions, teen predators, cyberbullying, online predators, Aids, STDs, teen pregnancy, social media, war of drugs, and vaping.

Kids have learned that the need a phone to feel safe and to have constant connection with their parents up to and thru the college years. After 9-11, parents vowed to never let their kids be disconnected from them.

Dr. Jordan describes the lessons past generations of kids learned by being out on the streets and in the woods without adult supervision.

Debunking stranger danger:

Far more kids are seriously injured and killed by family members than by strangers

Majority of missing kids are runaways fleeing from physical or emotionally abusive parents; most of the rest are kids kicked out by parents or abducted by estranged parents

There are on average around 150-350 kids abducted by a non-family member in the US each year. With about 65 million kids, in the US, that means that .001% of children are abducted

Milk cartons, posters, billboards, TV news 24-7, mass finger printing, school shootings, armed police guards and locked schools and drills; kids are bombarded with messages that today’s world is a scary and dangerous place and kidnappings happen all the time

Our perception of danger has increased, not the actual level of risk. Research stats don’t validate that the world is less safe today & that every child is in eminent danger for becoming a victim.

Educating kids: Can educate without causing them to believe the world is scary and dangerous place. Parents need to be mindful of not projecting their fears onto their children and overloading them.

Do not allow the media and culture to cause you to parent out of fear or live in fear.

Links to articles about how to protect kids, prepare kids, and educate kids about taking care of themselves at different ages:

7 ways to prevent abductions: www.investigations.com 

Preventing child abduction: division of criminal justice services

Safety tips:

Listen in and learn some ways that parents may be contributing to or causing their daughter’s anxiety.

Ways that parents cause anxiety in their children:

Kids reflect the adults around them: kids may mirror their parent’s anxieties and worries. This is especially true for parents who have an untreated anxiety disorder

Kids may respond to traumatic experiences like child abuse or parent’s fighting or domestic violence by becoming anxious. These kinds of experiences may cause their amygdala to be overly sensitive to experiences that then more easily trigger anxiety.

The concept of ghosts in the nursery and the vulnerable child syndrome was the topic of an old podcast of mine on 3-24-22, so review that for more info on this phenomenon.

Being overly cautious and constantly warning kids about potential dangers

Focusing on achievement more than character can cause increased anxiety in children. An excessive pressure to excel is described also as a cause of anxiety in kids.

Don’t mine for pain!

What can parents do? Dr. Jordan describes several ways parents can avoid the above issues that cause and contribute to children’s anxiety. Listen, get in their shoes & empathize, stay kind but don’t join their emotions.

My past podcast interview with author Meg Jay on adversities kids face: 6-23-21

Listen to 4 young adults candidly explain their fears about growing up and settling like their parent’s generation.

Dr. Jordan presents data showing how the life path of young adults today is so much different than in previous generations. Learn about a new stage in their life span called emerging adulthood and how it impacts their mental health and plans. Dr. Jordan also presents data revealing the increased levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness in millennials as well as the dissatisfaction many adults feel in their careers.

The four young women then discuss the following questions about their fears of growing up:

What does growing up mean to you?

What are your fears about growing up and where do you think they come from?

Do you get overwhelmed with all the choices & opportunities presented to you?

Talk about your fear of how making one wrong choice or decision will derail your whole life and the stress and anxiety that comes from this worry.

What is effect of watching your parent’s lives, marriages, careers?

Discuss your fears about settling with your life, career, and marriage.

For more good insight into how young adults feel about growing into adulthood, have your daughter and you read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living

2 other good reads on this topic of preparing for adulthood:

The Defining Decade by meg Jay; also listen to Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with Meg Jay about her book

Finding Your Element by Ken Robinson

Topics discussed in this podcast: Should girls be allowed to wear sexy outfits to school? Dances? Going to parties? How are school dress codes damaging to girls? What can parents do to support their daughters with this issue?

Old beliefs drive decisions about dress codes: that the female body is inherently tempting and leads to sin, so cover it! School dress codes tend to target girls more than boys; inherent message that girls and women can’t be trusted to dress themselves properly, so we have to mandate laws & dress codes to stop them from tempting boys and men

Message dress code and violations gives to boys: The idea that they cannot control themselves in the presence of girls and women who look a certain way implies that they are no more than animals with no self-control

Dr. Jordan shares insights about what girls say about why they dress the ways that they do. Self-expression plays a crucial role in identity development and one major form of this expression is through one’s clothing. “Fashion and clothing are used to create and reveal a cultural, social, and personal identity. Part of their identity is embodied by clothing and fashion.

Effects of dress codes on girls: studies found that 83% of students cited for dress code violations were girls. Study findings also demonstrated how the methods of school dress code enforcement promote a sexually objectifying environment in which girls feel physically and psychologically unsafe. Also, the findings of this study revealed that girls experience body shame, self-objectification, and powerlessness through dress code enforcement and sex education in school.

Sexism is rampant in the writing and implementation of school dress codes, as the words used are targeted towards girls and women according to a study of 481 public schools surveyed. Studies show that increased anxiety, depression, and aggression results from this kind of discipline

Prohibited clothing items: strapless top, spaghetti straps, halter top, low neckline, short dresses, pajamas, sheer clothing, short skirt, narrow straps, leggings, tight clothing, crop top, backless shirt, fishnet clothing, visible bra straps, holes above thighs, sleeveless shirt, frayed clothes, cutoff shorts, backless dress, off shoulder shirt, spandex clothing, no underwear, holes above knees, swimwear, pants with holes, visible underwear, short shorts

According to the same survey, the words “distracting” and “disruptive” appeared in 76% of dress codes, suggesting that the exposure of certain body parts, such as the midriff, interferes with learning

Dress codes today put the onus on the wearer, not their peers, to dress and act a particular way. But the notion that girls are responsible for boys being respectful, which dress codes enforce, can be a damaging precedent to set. it can also send the message that girls are automatically at fault when boys are not respectful; “It’s my responsibility to make sure the boys’ thoughts are not unclean.”

So, what’s a parent to do? Dr. Jordan offers many suggestions about how parents can use dress codes to create open dialogue about clothing, responsibility, objectification, and sexism.

Links to good articles on this topic:

Dress code effects on girls:

Dress codes sexualize women:

Why dress codes are unhealthy:

Can we please find better alternatives then the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission, and purpose?

Dr. Jordan was inspired to do this podcast after reading three books:

Pat Tillman: Where Men Win Glory; Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer; a soon to be published book from his friend Ginny Luther about her son Bart’s military experience

Pat Tillman was an active, intense, rambunctious kid who loved roughhousing, being loud, taking risks, and was constantly in trouble for his behaviors. He walked away from a multimillion-dollar contract with the Arizona Cardinals NFL football team to join the army after the 9/11 attack, becoming an icon on post-9/11 patriotism. The fact that Pat believed the Iraq war to be illegal and about false reports of weapons of mass destruction did not prevent him from wanting desperately to get into the fight, face the enemy fire alongside his comrades, to prove himself in battle, and become a part of a rarefied warrior culture. Like many young men, he had aspired to engage in mortal combat since being a little boy, itching to confront the enemy firsthand and prove themselves under fire. Sadly, two years into his service he was killed in action from bullets from his own troops, unleashing a government coverup.

Jon Krakauer joined an expedition to climb the summit of Mt. Everest, despite the large number of fatalities of past climbers. Much of his motivation for the climb came from his belief that achieving the summit of a mountain was tangible, immutable, concrete; the incumbent hazards lent the activity a seriousness of purpose that was sorely missing from the rest of his life; “I thrilled in the fresh perspective that came from tipping the ordinary plane of existence on end.”

Another climber, John Taske, wrote that, “When I left the military, I sort of lost my way. I discovered I couldn’t really speak to civilians; my marriage fell apart. But when I started to climb, the sport provided most of what had been missing for me in civilian life, the challenge, the camaraderie, the sense of mission.”

Dr. Jordan describes the temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded, intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral.

This podcast shares stories of people who fit this description who ended up as incredible, successful, trailblazing adults, including Elizabeth Blackburn, the  1st woman to be president of Salk Institute; Loretta Lynch, the 1st African-American woman to become US attorney general, as well as his two sons and one of his female campers who created adventures for themselves.

Dr. Jordan asks that we look for opportunities for our kids to take risks, have adventures, and make their own path. He describes several programs such as Teach for America, Peace Corp, Well Aware clean water not-for-profit (http://wellawareworld.org/join), listen to an interview with the founder of this NFP Sarah Evans on Dr. Jordan’s podcast from 8-18-22, and Woofing ( www.wwoof.net )

There are other, better alternatives then the military for young adults to experience risk, adventure, mission, and purpose; help kids find them and start as a culture valuing these experiences and people.

Learn the evolutionary, brain, and hormonal reasons behind dating and falling in love

Evolution:  Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, and to reproduce and pass on your genes. Attachment evolved to get you to stick with this person at least long enough to raise a single child together.

Learn the stages of courtship: attention-getting, recognition, grooming talk, touching, and body synchronicity

Dr. Jordan describes the brain chemistry of falling in love, which underlies these stages of courting: romantic phase, attraction phase, attachment phase, and the honeymoon phase. Each phase is driven by different chemicals including testosterone, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Learn how these chemicals create bonding, stress, euphoria, and seeking and craving feelings similar to addictions. Dr. Jordan also discusses what happens chemically when we go thru a breakup, and how that affects girl’s emotions and behaviors.

Listen to this podcast with your daughter and help her become aware of why she acts and feels the way she does as far as dating and romantic partners. Girls in my retreats and camps love my discussions on this subject, because no one has ever helped them understand their intense feelings and drives; “It makes sense!”

Talking about this will activate her prefrontal cortex to help her reason thru decisions about her relationship; it’s important not to make decisions strictly emotionally.

Check out all of the resources provided by Dr. Jordan at his site, www.drtimjordan.com

Happy Valentine’s Day!

In this podcast, learn the social readiness signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media

Learn how the teenage brain is more susceptible to addictions, risky behaviors, and the need to belong and fit in and be included by peers.

Because of these vulnerabilities, Dr. Jordan lays out why teen girls are at risk for misusing social media and being negatively affected by it.

In this podcast, learn about some of the most important social signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media. These include:

Staying disconnected from drama: Does she do a good job of staying out of drama? Not get sucked into friend’s squabbles? Not add to it?

Does your daughter have a history of staying in balance and taking breaks from friends? Does she have friends in different groups she can hang with if one group becomes toxic?

Handle conflicts directly and peacefully: Has she shown the courage and maturity to be able to confront friends, set boundaries, tell friends her needs and also listen to theirs to create win-win solutions?

Does she understand the difference with being passive, aggressive, and assertive?

Healthy friends: Mirror neurons in our brain causes individual choices to be powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do.

Girls are hard-wired to connect; being alone meant death starting back in dangerous, uncivilized times. Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. It can cause girls to constantly compare themselves to her peers or people in the media: Am I fitting in? Doing right thing? Doing anything that may get me thrown out?

It's critical that she hangs with healthy friends because things like emotions and rule-breaking are contagious.

Has she struggled to make or keep friends?  Does she have a past history of being excluded or kicked out of her friend group? Experiences like that can cause your daughter to develop unhealthy decisions about herself: I’m not good enough, cool enough, pretty enough, I’m too annoying or awkward.

These beliefs will make her vulnerable for not being herself, doing things and giving up parts of herself to fit in, having less courage to set boundaries, be at risk for being abused and used.

Is she being bullied currently or in the past? No best friend or a group? This can make her more vulnerable to being a target without the protection of a group around her; does she have a history of victimization? Has she been a target? Listen to my recent podcast on cyberbullying published 1-12-23

Does she know how to be alone without being lonely?  The crowd and social media distracts us from inward reflection; it’s easy for girls to become plugged in constantly and outwardly focused. The girl who constantly texts and checks Instagram hasn’t heard from herself in a long time.

Devices and social media makes it hard to not be preoccupied with what’s going on out there vs. within you; when alone, your thoughts and feelings are oriented inward; it’s a slower and quieter experience.

Has your daughter learned to cultivate, use, and enjoy quiet alone time?

Summary:

No middle school or high school girl is going to be perfect and always live out these qualities; they are a work in progress.  Let her know what you will be looking for socially to let you know she’s mature enough to handle what social media will throw at her. She’ll earn the privilege to try social media once she has earned it.

It’s important to practice these social skills at home: conflict resolution, setting boundaries, not allow teasing to hurt her, learning about how to enjoy and have quiet alone time.  

Stop trying to change your daughter and accept her for who she is even if she is different than your family

Girls often complain to me that their parents don’t see them, understand them, accept them for who they are, can’t relate to them, and are always trying to change them to fit the parent’s vision of them. I discussed the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and ghosts in the nursery in a March 24, 2022 podcast, so go back with this link and listen to that to help you understand why you may have a hard time understanding and relating to your child.

When I validate girls who aren’t seen by their families and help them to see that they are fine and don’t need to change, they experience a tremendous sense of relief and big smiles erupt as they finally feel seen and accepted.

Dr. Jordan shares many stories of different ways girls from his counseling practice, retreats, and camps don’t fit in their family’s vision of who they are supposed to be. Some examples include:

A dad too invested in his daughter becoming a top athlete

Moms pushing daughters to be more outgoing because they judge them as being too shy and quiet

Educated, intense parents having a hard time relating to an easygoing, free-spirited daughter

Intense, goal-driven parents not understanding their easygoing kid who seems to not be very motivated, or haven’t discovered their passion or interests or purpose

Sporty parents who have a hard time connecting with a daughter who is not competitive or aggressive and just wants to play sports to socialize and have fun

Dr. Jordan suggests you watch these 2 movies with your kids to stir up conversation about this issue: October Sky, and Simon Birch

Here is the Gibran quote Dr. Jordan read in the podcast:

“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”

Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling and family likes and appreciate the unique and individual small person you’ve been given.

Parent and love the child you have.

Today’s hypercompetitive & hyperspecialized youth sports are causing girls to experience more overuse injuries, anxiety, stress, and burnout.

Interview with author Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters

The following are topics discussed in Dr. Jordan’s interview with author Linda Flanagan:

How have youth sports changed in the past 30 years and why did it occur, especially as it pertains to girls?

How have these changes affected girls?

Why do girls need to overcome good girl conditioning when it comes to advocating for themselves with coaches and sports leagues?

How can parents raise daughters to have a healthy outlook on sports?

Why would it be valuable if kids in youth sports, high school, and college to have more women coaches?

What is the value of taking breaks from sports and balancing athletics with non-sports activities? Why should kids always have obvious & conscious off-ramps and the ability to quit their sport?

How could eliminating college sports cause a trickle-down effect to lessen the mania of today’s youth sports culture?

For more information about Linda Flanagan, check out her website at www.lindaflanaganauthor.com

Take back the game: how money and mania are ruining kid’s sports- and why it matters

Visit Dr. Jordan’s website for information on all the resources he offers

www.drtimjordan.com

Parents, schools, and girls themselves can learn to stop cyberbullying; here’s how.

Nearly half of teens say they have been cyberbullied, and it’s most prevalent in adolescent girls. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time. 

The kinds of cyberbullying girls share about with me include: being pushed or blackmailed to send or resend nudes, someone turning a friend group or the whole class against someone, spreading false rumors that alienates someone, or being cancelled by someone who has an issue with them causing the girl to lose her friend group.

Dr. Jordan discusses why some girls are targeted for cyberbullying including: passive, innocent girls who are sensitive and allow words to hurt; powerful girls who don’t go along with the queen bee, girls who hang out with the boys to stay out of drama creating jealous feelings from the other girls, girls who are different in their looks, interests, dress, ethnicity, family dynamics, LGBTQ kids, etc.

Dr. Jordan offers some of the main reasons that girls may cyberbully their peers: as a way to feel powerful and in control; as a way to connect and have a sense of belonging in a group, due to the wiring of the teen brain especially mirror neurons, the effect of being online vs in-person; and because most girls start on phones and social media before they have the maturity and impulse control to handle it effectively

Learn some of the signs of readiness socially, emotionally, their level of self-responsibility, and how well girls keep their power. Dr. Jordan discusses some of the awareness and tools girls need to handle and prevent cyberbullying.

Parents will learn some things they can do to best prepare their daughters to handle drama and cyberbullying. Dr. Jordan also lays out things schools can do to give girls the skills to prevent it and to take charge of their learning environment.

Some links for more info on this subject:

survey about teens and social media 

Taking a bite out of online bullying: Dr. Jordan blog

Social Emotional Learning:  Dr. Jordan blog

For more in-depth information on girls friendships and emotions, check out his online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Dads have a unique role to play in raising confident, successful, amazing daughters.

BENEFITS TO HAVING AN INVOLVED FATHER IN THE HOME

Dr. Jordan discusses research about the benefits of having an involved father in the home: less likely to be poor, perform better in school, less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, or to be sexually active as teenagers, and less mental health disorders like anxiety and depression 

UNIQUE WAYS THAT DADS INTERACT WITH DAUGHTERS

Many ways that dads parent differently than moms are presented along with their benefits to girls including changing nursery rhyme verses, teasing and bantering, handling conflicts directly, being more directive with discipline, teaching problem-solving, rough and tumble play, staying detached when need be, making decisions based on what you feel to be right, and encouraging risk-taking and adventures.

SPECIFIC WAYS DADS CAN PARENT GIRLS

Dr. Jordan shares specific examples of ways to parent girls including being fully present, how to be a good listener, modeling relationships by how you treat them and their mom, respecting their boundaries and stopping when they say no, focusing on non-physical qualities, teaching them to be image and media savvy, showing them the difference between being aggressive vs. assertive, and connecting over her interests.

Dr. Jordan discusses the value of sharing your stories about when you were her age so she knows you can relate and understand what she’s going thru.

HOW YOU CAN BE AND REMAIN YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERO

Finally, most little girls look up to their dad as their hero, but dad really can be her hero when he forms a truly loving and supportive relationship with his daughter. The bond between father and daughter can influence her self-esteem, future relationships, and career success.

For some invaluable information about empowering girls to become confident leaders, read Dr. Jordan’s latest book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

  She Leads  

Set an intention for 2023 to slow down, stop multitasking, unplug, & learn to be alone without being lonely.

Learn how slowing down does mean being less productive, quitting your job or retiring, or auctioning off your kids. You can learn to be busy without being hurried and stressed out.

The culture conditions us to believe faster is better, hurrying is normal, speed means more efficiency as opposed to having focused concentration on 1 thing at a time and an unbroken flow of attention.

The ultimate goal is not to slow down, it’s to live in freedom, free from distractions and hurrying and stress and pressure & cravings.

Dr. Jordan describes the many ways kids today are being rushed to grow up with sports, academics, sexualization, as well as experiencing a decrease in down time.

Learn the cost to us when we multitask and give everything our partial attention and why we’re not actually multitasking; rather, we are switching rapidly between different activities.

Dr. Jordan also describes the effects of devices and social media in causing anxiety, stress, FOMO, and decreased empathy and connection.

Learn the benefits of developing regular slowing down practices such as daily meditation time. Dr. Jordan explains some examples of how to meditate and to cultivate quiet time for solicitude, reflection, and learning to be alone without being lonely.

You CAN have it all as long as you are in charge of what that means for you vs. comparing yourself to others, trying to measure up to unrealistic cultural standards & expectations, running your life by shoulds, or making choices based on fear of criticism or how you look or being judged.

It’s your life, you set the pace, consciously make choices about your work, schedule, relationships, who you spend time with, allow time for self-care and meeting your needs too I quit pediatrics, my reading challenge, conscious choices about sports & activities to allow for more down time

For some in-depth info on how to live a more mindful life, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living

Covid fatigue: When we are in the eye of the storm and can’t find our way out, it is easy to lose hope and think the storm will last forever. But one day the sun will shine on you again, and the clouds will clear, and you will look around and realize you have been blown to an even better place. Sometimes, in the storm, there is a miracle waiting to be seen. Dani, look for the lessons & gifts from the pandemic vs focus on the negatives

Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. Emory Austin, take action to create energy, momentum, and movement

Support kids in developing grit & confidence:

Just remember: The people that say, “Your dreams are impossible” have already quit on theirs. Grant Cardone

When someone tells me “No”, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them. Karen Quinones Miller

May you never be the reason why someone who loves to sing doesn’t, or why someone who dressed so uniquely now wears plain clothing, or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams is now silent about them, or someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were critical, nonappreciative, judgmental, or sarcastic about it. Mostafa Ibrahim;

It’s curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not. Neil Tyson, Support kid’s passions & dreams

Mindfulness: Do not ask your children to strive for extraor­dinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them in­stead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting toma­toes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infi­nite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordi­nary will take care of itself. William Martin

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. William Feather

Model and teach kids to be in the moment and to savor each moment

Being of service: We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman

We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, “It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my prob­lem.” Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes. Fred Rogers; acknowledge heroes other than soldiers & first responders: teachers, activists, nurses, people who are of service to others, people who live life fully and don’t care what others think

"It actually doesn't take much to be considered a difficult woman. That's why there are so many of us." Jane Goodall, honor powerful girls even if they have rough edges

Final thoughts for parents who want to become and remain an influence in their daughter’s life now, throughout the teen years and beyond:

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person—he believed in me. Jim Valvano

My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. Clarence Kelland

In the end, there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just needs to be someone who wants to. Robert Brault

Happy new year to you all

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Happiness does not result from having more money, fame, or likes; it comes from living a life of purpose & service.

Kids have been conditioned to believe that happiness results from externals such as being rich, famous & popular, winning the lottery. The culture tells them that more & faster is better, and that achievement is more important than character. We’re raising a generation of human doings who are insatiable and forever discontented.

Dr. Jordan explains his thrill-hangover cycle that many adults and teens are stuck in, where they continue grabbing for unhealthy thrills to pull themselves out of feeling empty or unhappy, but then experiencing larger and larger emotional hangovers as a result.

Learn how shifting your intention for doing things is a valuable way to become happier.

Dr. Jordan explains using several stories about how selfless service may be the best way to happiness; set an intention this holiday season & for the new year to have your “arrows out”and experience the joy and fulfillment that comes with it.

For more information about the resources Dr. Jordan provides, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Happy Holidays!

Included in this week's podcast:

For more info on resources by Dr. Jordan, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Raising a spirited, powerful child is challenging; these stories offer ways to support them without crushing their spirit.

James Hillman’s book, The Soul’s Code, describes how powerful, spirited children have an unconscious knowing of what life will bring them. Behaviors they exhibit in childhood are often labelled as abnormal vs. understanding what it might mean for them in the long-term.

Dr. Jordan shares many stories of eminent people to illustrate the importance of parents seeing the oak tree in their children when all they have in front of them is an acorn.

Enjoy stories about Gandhi, Peter Frampton, Woody Allen, Picasso, Bette Davis, and Judy Garland to illustrate how spirited kids often sense their destiny early in life and insist on following their passions.

Dr. Jordan then shares stories that illuminate some critical ways to meet the needs of these powerful kids so that they bloom into what they are destined to become.

Learn how to find the balance of giving enough rope for them to feel in control but also keep them safe, let them make mistakes & learn from them but keep them safe.

Enjoy stories about how the parents of these eminent people supported their kids to blossom: Golda Meir, Tony Faddell, Louis CK, Jane Goodall, and Frank Lloyd Wright.

Spirited children need the autonomy to find & follow own interests & passions even if they are far different than their family.

They need guidance, but in the end, we also need to learn to stay out of their way!

For more information on Dr. Jordan’s resources, visit www.drtimjordan.com

Listen in to Learn the Many Ways to Express Gratitude and Experience Its Benefits

Dr. Jordan describes the numerous benefits of practicing gratitude consistently including stronger immune systems & improved health, higher levels of positive emotions such as joy, optimism, and happiness, more generous/ compassionate; relished good experiences more, dealt better with adversity; helped to build strong relationships.

You will also learn the many benefits of gratitude for children and teenagers and teachers.

Dr. Jordan describes 16 ways to express gratitude including writing thank you notes, writing gratitude letters to people who made a difference in your life or the lives of others, the “George Bailey effect”, and expressing appreciation through poems, pictures, songs, stories, and notes.

You will also learn ways to incorporate gratitude into your home with your children so that it becomes part of the fabric of who you are as a family.

Dr. Jordan also sprinkles some good quotes and jokes about gratitude throughout the podcast, such as: It's almost Thanksgiving Day... Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight.

For a copy of Dr. Jordan’s handout on 16 ways to express gratitude, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Top grades from a top college are less important to employers than soft skills like people skills, creativity, love of learning, and problem-solving.

Dr. Jordan describes the qualities that Owners & CEOs of successful companies tell him they are most interested in when hiring young people: people skills, past experiences where fully engaged in some interest, love of learning & willingness to learn, creative & out-of-the-box thinkers, problem-solvers, and a history of overcoming adversity.

Soft skills that employers value today: communication skills, respect, teamwork, collaboration, and conflict management, self-discipline, integrity, dependability and hardworking, good at taking initiative and self-starting, self-motivated, empathy and sensitivity, creative and out-of-the-box thinkers.

Dr. Jordan describes information from Daniel Pink’s book, A Whole new Mind. Historically, the importance of the right side of the brain and the way of thinking it represents has been undervalued. As we move from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age, Right-Directed Thinking  that is more creative, holistic, and  intuitive is becoming more and more important.

Link to article on soft skills employers look for:   

Relisten to Dr. Jordan’s podcast from 10-7-21 The good, the bad, and the ugly about being in your twenties to learn about the value of developing identity capitol during your teen and 20s years.

Parents need to value these soft skills more highly than just focusing on grades and piling up activities just to fill up a college application.

To learn more about life lessons that will allow young women to rise to their potential, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living and, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

Girls need information about puberty, and sexuality, but most of sex ed should be relationship education that starts in early childhood.

When: girls are starting puberty earlier and earlier, with the mean age of beginning breast bud development being around 10 in Caucasian girls and 9 in African American girls.  So, education about the changes coming to their bodies and why should begin around 5th grade before the changes begin.

Where: Sex ed ideally should be a parent-school partnership.  Aaron Carroll, a professor of pediatrics at the Indiana University School of Medicine, wrote for The Times in 2017 that studies have shown that “comprehensive sex education improved knowledge, attitudes, behaviors and outcomes. Abstinence-only programs did not.” When you narrow the question to teaching just high schoolers, both Republicans and Democrats overwhelmingly support a broader sexual education: According to a 2017 study by Leslie Kantor and Nicole Levitz in the journal PLOS One, “More than 89 percent of parents that identified as Republicans or Democrats support including a wide range of topics in sex education including puberty, healthy relationships, abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases and birth control in high school.”

Parents role: How? The majority of sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years.

Building solid relationships at home: If parents consistently meeting their needs in healthy ways, kids grow up feeling loved, important, safe, accepted for who they are, and able to trust other people; this becomes the template for all future relationships

Ÿ teens who feel loved have best boundaries= high deservability

Learn and practice relationship skills at home: have a voice, be assertive, resolve their own conflicts, set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and get their needs met with their parents and siblings; take skills to relationships with peersè dating relationships

Teach girls to become aware of & trust their gut: aware of their internal alarms that go off at critical decision points, and how to get quiet and go inward in order to know what is right for them Ÿ get clear about their sexual boundaries when they are alone and quiet, avoid making bad choices in the heat of the moment

Why might they ignore alarm? Like the boy, not want to be lame, fear he’ll move onto hotter girl, feel behind, want to get it over with

Dr. Jordan discusses the effects of alcohol and drugs on girls vulnerability and ability to set boundaries.

Need to teach teens how to connect in nonsexual ways; hookups are often done because girls feel lonely and disconnected.

Dr. Jordan discusses how to teach kids about consent throughout childhood so they are prepared to respect and take care of themselves, their friends, and their partners.

Sex ed thus is a series of talks and education all along the way; not a one and done. The quality of your relationship is key: does she feel safe bringing her questions & concerns to you? Trust that it won’t go anywhere? Won’t be judged? Will try to see from her point of view,; ask before you give feedback or offer info.

Good article on normal puberty in girls & boys

For more information on Dr. Jordan and his programs, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Learn to catch themselves when they are ruminating and switch it by bringing themselves to the present moment and reminding themselves of their truth.

Practicing self-compassion also helps girls to destress and not sweat the small stuff. Girls can imagine someone they trust is in their head, what would that person be saying to them about a situation or feeling, and then say that to themselves vs. their negative thoughts. They can also remember that people have experienced what they are going thru and they got thru it; thus they are not alone and they do can overcome the experience.

$86,400 analogy: don’t allow 10 seconds of negativity to color the rest of their day.

Focus on what they do have control over, i.e., their feelings, thoughts, and reactions to people and events.

Parents need to not add their own emotions to their daughter’s experiences because they’re having enough trouble dealing with their own roller coaster of emotions.

To understand more deeply your daughter’s emotional life and how to best support her, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

To get your daughters to share more & to remain an influence in their lives, use these questions vs the standard, “How was your day?”

We have a very narrow vision for who is a hero, who is brave, and who is a leader. Because of that, most girls don’t see themselves as those things because they aren’t a first responder, team captain, professional athlete, or the popular queen bee.

Dr. Jordan offers listeners a long list of ways girls show courage, power, and leadership. We need to better notice and affirm those qualities in our girls so that they start seeing themselves in that light.

Dr. Jordan also offers 12 conversation starters for the dinner table to instigate deeper and more insightful conversations. These questions will get you passed mumbled 1-word answers to the standard question: “How was your day?”

These could also be used to create deeper conversations around your holiday dinner tables to direct talk away from superficial gossip or politics.

Conversation starters:

Were you able to: not let words bother you? Avoid peer pressure? Handle a conflict directly & peacefully?  Find these and other great questions on our new poster for families printed onto sturdy and waterproof synthetic paper on my website at www.drtimjordan.com

For 202 great, insightful questions to ask around the nightly dinner table, during car rides, or around the holiday table, check out my Dinner Dialogue cards too at www.drtimjordan.com

Learn in this podcast when and why youth sports changed into a commercialized business that is detrimental to children.

Dr. Jordan retraces the history of youth sports starting from the early 1900s through today.

This history includes influences such as worries about immigrant children roaming the streets unsupervised, the depression, the new pay-for-play model that emerged post-depression, the self-esteem movement, the rising cost of a college education and the dream of attaining a college scholarship, the advent of travel leagues and showcase events, and the early specialization in a single sport movement.

Dr. Jordan also describes the fears parents experience about their children getting behind other kids as far as athletics which drives up their intensity, anxiety, and willingness to forfeit family time for tournaments and travel teams.

Dr. Jordan also lays out the facts about how few athletes attain division 1, 2, and 3 scholarships for sports, and how few of high school athletes actually play sports in college and make the professional levels.

Dr. Jordan encourages parents to make conscious choices about athletic teams and coaches and sports based on their child’s and family’s needs and to avoid making choices to keep up with their peer’s experiences.

Some articles for you to read for more in-depth information on this topic:

When did competitive sports take over American childhood? 9-20-13https://www.theatlantic.com/author/hilary-levey-friedman/

https://time.com/4913687/how-kids-sports-became-15-billion-industry/ how your child’s rec league turned into a $15 billion industry, Sean Gregory, Time 9-4-17

https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-tommy-john/minimize-injury-maximize-performance/9780738235288/  Tommy John III on youth sports

Linda Flanagan researched the state of youth athletics and wrote the book “Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters

For more information on Dr. Jordan and his resources for kids and parents, check out his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Adults these days worry that we are raising a generation of entitled and indulged brats. Employers complain that millennials walk into their first jobs expecting the corner office without putting in the time and effort. What's the solution? Let me share a true story I heard of how a father decided to teach his son a lesson on responsibility and grit.

Look for Dr. Jordan's new book for young adults and their parents entitled Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living.

Drop the 1-size-fits-all standard about everyone needing college & be open to kids finding their own path to success. I encourage all parents and daughters to be open to many paths to success. Kids today are conditioned to believe there is one path that fits everyone: get good grades, go to a top college, get a good job, and make a lot of money. But that path does not fit for the majority of people.

Dr. Jordan presents many facts about the benefits and disadvantages of a four-year college degree, including economic and mental health issues. For example, over 60% of all US adults over 25 do not have a four year degree, 41% of college grads in their 20s are underemployed and working in jobs that typically don’t require a college degree, and only 46% of college grads in 2022 say they currently work in their field of study, i.e. jobs that do not apply the training they received in college. The high up-front cost of college can dig a hole that takes years to overcome—on average, it takes student loan borrowers two decades to pay off their debt.

There are 30 million jobs in the US that pay an average of $55,000 and don’t require a bachelor’s degree; many of these jobs go to people with vocational degrees. A 2017 survey found that 70 percent of contractors have difficulty finding qualified craft workers, such as electricians and plumbers.

Dr. Jordan discusses the possible answers to the question:

What is the return supposed to be for your four years of college?

Is it just about earning more money?

Is the only purpose of an education to enable you to get a job?

What, in short, is college for?

These are great questions to discuss with your daughters during high school years as they try to decide their next step after high school.

Dr. Jordan also discusses some of the non-economic benefits of a four year college experience. He also discusses why HOW you go to college is more important than when or where you go. He also discusses how that gap years can be beneficial to young adults, especially if they are conscious about how they use that time. Young adults need usable skills, and college is hardly the only source for developing these. Support your daughters to carve out their own path, in their own way, & in their own time, and to not live life by “shoulds” & what everyone else is doing or not to disappoint parents. If given the choice, given autonomy to choose their path and whether they go to college & where & when, they will be more invested and engaged, thus reap more benefits from the experience.

Is college necessary for a successful life? I believe the answer is a resounding no, and we need to appreciate that all young people aren’t cut from the same cloth. Support your kids in finding their unique life path that fits their interests, passions, and aptitude, and watch them soar.

Show Notes:

·        The following are 10 of the most common mistakes parents make that leave girls feeling misunderstood and unsupported.

·        Give her a day: What shall you give to one small girl, a glamorous game, a tinseled toy? A girl scout knife, a puzzle pack? A train that runs on some curving track. A picture book, a real live pet? No, there’s plenty of time for such things yet. Give her a day for her very own, just one small girl and her dad alone. A walk in the woods, a romp in the park, a fishing trip from dawn to dark. Give her the gift that only you can, the companionship of her old man. Games are outgrown & toys will decay, but she’ll never forget if you give her a day.

For more information about best practices for parenting girls, especially in the areas of emotions and friendships, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.

Show Notes:

It’s important for parents to have a higher vision for their kids than they might have at vulnerable periods of their life

The author discusses the importance kids developing a very narrow, single focus because you become what you give your attention to. We discuss some ways to help kids develop this focus.

We discuss how to help kids develop habits that will keep them on target and how to help them create an identity that they are the kind of person who has these habits.

Vitaliy Katsenelson discusses how struggling is suffering with a purpose, and now the purpose or why is the fuel that makes you overcome the pain; embrace uncertainty and mistakes and failures; when you figure out why you are doing something and that why is important to you, suffering turns into struggle or a surmountable challenge and thus becomes more tolerable.

For more information about the concepts in Soul in the Game, and to reach the author, go to www.soulinthegame.net 

In this podcast, learn the many ways that it can look when parents are too enmeshed in their daughter’s life, why it happens, and what girls need.

Some examples of enmeshed parent-daughter relationships:

·        Daughter makes choices and decisions to please and not disappoint parents

·        Parents using their daughter as their confidant, causing girls to become overwhelmed

·        Girls feel they are responsible for their parent’s happiness, depression, or any mental health issue

·        Parents have a really hard time letting their daughters grow, leave the nest, and become their own person independent of their mom

·        Parents become way too involved in their daughter’s schoolwork, friendships, dating relationships, and decision-making

What can girls & parents do?

• Parents need to become aware of any ways they are being overinvolved or are too dependent on their daughters
• Parents need to work through past issues, express feelings, and make better sense of them so as not to put their stories into their daughters
• Parents need to handle their own present issues, like marriage problems so that your D doesn’t need to feel responsible
• Girls need to understand why their parents act the way they do so they don’t take it personally or take responsibility for their parent’s feelings, mental health, or happiness; this is not about me!

·        It’s important that girls find healthy adults to talk to, vent, share: friend’s parents, counselor

·        Use one-on-one counseling for your daughter, yourself, and your marriage if needed as well as family counseling

Girls need space to become who they were meant to be, not be shackled with their parent’s old baggage, space to find themselves and make choices based on what’s right for them, solve their own problems, make mistakes and learn from them, and to follow their own path and create their own destiny.

If your daughter needs help with the above-mentioned issues, call my office at 636-530-1883 to get some one-on-one counseling.

Listen to 4 true stories about kind heroes who made a huge impact on how children see themselves, me included.

How Stan Musial, one of the greatest baseball players in history, became my hero just by caring enough to notice me and talk with me.

Bobby Orr, the greatest defenseman in NHL history, did an act of kindness to a little boy in his hockey camp and inspired him to be a better dad.

The creator of the Peanut’s comic strip, Charles, Schultz, answered my letter to him years ago and even sent me an original 4 panel cartoon with my favorite character Sally. He inspired me to never be too busy to not spend a moment connecting with people and answering their requests.

Most heroes are not soldiers, first responders, or professional athletes. We need to acknowledge more people like teachers, social workers, custodians, and anyone in the service sector who are sometimes ding tough, necessary jobs that most of us do not want to do.

Dr. Jordan shares a true story about a teacher who made a difference in the life of a lonely girl with a cleft palate and changed the way she saw herself.

Send a note of gratitude to someone who made a difference for you growing up.

For more information about Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Many girls are sexually harassed at school & feel helpless to stop it; here’s what needs to be done to support them

Dr. Jordan describes what girls have shared with him in his counseling practice and at retreats and camps about sexual harassment at school: the extent of the problem, who’s most vulnerable, being ‘technologically groped’ by being pushed to send nude photos, how peers have become muted bystanders, and why girls feel so helpless to stop the harassment

Learn statistics and info on how the problem of on-campus rapes of women relates to this problem in middle and high school

Dr. Jordan offers a guide on what girls can do to take care of themselves and address and prevent sexual harassment.

Learn what parents can do to support their daughters with this issue.

Young people won’t take this problem seriously until the adults around them do, so Dr. Jordan offers some ideas about how we can change the system and the toxic environment at school to address and prevent further harassment. We need to focus more on changing the environment & system vs blame girls and give them all of the responsibility to change things.

Demand that her school have workshops where boys and girls can get together to discuss their point of view on this topic and make commitments to each other and make intention to stand up for each other vs voiceless bystander

Sex education should be more about relationship education, reading cues, and the concept of consent.

Talk about all of this now before or as her school year begins.

An interview with Sarah Evans, founder of Well Aware, about how to connect kids to a cause that makes a difference in the world.

Sarah Evans founded the not-for-profit Well Aware, which funds and implements lasting clean water systems to drive development & empower communities in East Africa with the goal of getting clean water infrastructure to rural, developing areas.

Sarah Evans describes her background using Dr. Jordan’s Dot Theory; she discusses her path and journey that led her to her passion for making a difference in Africa by building wells.

She also discusses the effect her work has had on her 10-year-old daughter and what her daughter learned during her recent visit to Africa with her mom.

Learn how being connected to a cause or purpose helps kids understand what’s important and how they’re important by contributing to causes through helping even in small ways.

Dr. Jordan and Sarah also discuss how valuable it is to communicate what you do for work to your children, especially as it relates to helping other people. They also discuss how to explain hard to understand issues and problems to young children.

Find more information about Sarah Evans and her NFP Well Aware at www.wellawareworld.org 

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com

The best deterrent for mean girl behaviors is how much girls come to know, understand, and care about each other; SEL programs create these results.

Put a girl into a safe, nurturing, nonjudgmental environment like my camps and she blossoms. Observe that same girl in the judgmental hallways at school and you might see a different kid altogether.

Schools plaster some character education posters on the walls and force-feed some platitudes and rules at the beginning of the year, all adult driven and derived. But these have little effect or staying power because it doesn’t come from the girls.

Social-emotional learning (SEL) programs in schools have been well researched, and the results are incredible. The following are just a few of the many outcomes when these programs are instituted in schools: better sense of community, more positive attitudes towards school and learning, higher academic achievement and test scores, better problem-solving skills, reductions in aggression and disruptions, higher classroom engagement, improved coping with school stressors, and decreased alcohol and drug usage. Teachers thus have more time to actually teach vs. put out fires, and students are more focused and engaged.

Here are a few of the lessons we teach girls in our Strong Girls Strong World school program:

Setting intentions for their learning community, how they want to treat each other

Skills for resolving conflicts directly, peacefully, create win-win solutions with individuals or as a class

How to run regular class meetings & take full responsibility for the learning environment, brainstorm & win-win negotiation

Learn more about each other, learn that they have more in common than they think

Their class quickly becomes safer, less judgmental, and closer. The best deterrent for mean girl behaviors is how much they come to know, understand, and care about each other.

When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. Alexander Den Heijer

If you want girls to bloom, stop focusing on labels and diagnoses and drama and instead guide them in fixing the environments in which they live. Encourage their school to adopt a social emotional learning program. Improve and fertilize the garden and watch the flowers blossom.

For more information on Dr. Jordan’s Strong Girls Strong World school program, check out his website at www.drtimjordan.com

All girls feel different in some way & they need our unconditional love & support

Here’s to the kids who are different poem

How you feel different circles at my camps & school programs

Ways girls feel different:

Size: tallest girl, 1st to start puberty, short, heavier build, “fat thighs”, long legs, muscular arms

Appearance: big nose, red hair (research great GM), curly hair, 1st to have braces, 1 finger on both hands, no fingers on 1 hand, cochlear implant with hearing aid b/c deaf, dark skin, birth marks, cleft lip

Behavior: stutter, tics, fear of vomiting, misophonia, impulsive or can’t sit still, not a girl-girl, confide in pets or stuffed animals

Labels: ADHD, depressed, anxiety, social anxiety, shy, loud, too sensitive

Family: adopted, divorced, only child, embarrassed to have Fs over b/c Ps fight a lot, have 2 moms, brother with autism, sister with Down Syndrome, wild sister who’s always in trouble & fights with Ps and cops called, dad in prison, Iowa Ps with drug problems (meth), introvert in family of extroverts, artsy in family of athletes

Things: not have a phone or on social media, not get to watch TV shows friends do, no free time b/c so many activities, uncommon hobby

Ability: Gillian Lynne story; schoolwork is hard, dyslexia, think they are stupid, worst athlete at recess, slow runner, uncoordinated, last kid chosen for games, all siblings with straight A’s & they struggle for Bs & Cs, feel behind socially, family of achievers & they want to do hair

Lessons & gifts from their differences

Stories of eminent people who didn’t fit the mod as kids:

Choreographer Gillian Lynne, Sculptor Olga Ayala, American artist Benjamin West

For more information about Dr. Jordan’s weekend retreats, summer camps, and Strong Girls Strong World School Program, check out his website at www.drtimjordan.com

Show Notes:

Dr. Jordan provides examples from his camp, Camp Weloki for Girls, about what a safe space looks like for girls:

For more information about Dr. Jordan’s weekend retreats, summer camps, and Strong Girls Strong World School program, contact him at www.drtimjordan.com

Show Notes:

Dr. Jordan describes Dr. Stephan Hinshaw’s concept of the triple bind:

Girls are also absorbing some unhealthy messages from the culture about the need to be a “good girl”.

Girls also experience a lot of pressure and confusion from a myriad of mixed messages about how they should behave and live:

The results of all of this pressure:  

Listen in for future podcast about what we can do to better guide our girls and equip them to be successful and happy now and in the future.

Show Notes:

In this podcast Dr. Jordan describes many causes of why girls develop a belief that they are not good enough and the costs of having that belief.

Parents: Some ways that parents contribute to girls developing a not good enough belief arehaving an autocratic parenting style with criticism, yelling, and punishments; comparing them to siblings unfavorably, being distracted and not around to spend time with them, valuing achievement over character, and modeling this belief with what they say about themselves and how they act.

Coaches: coaches who are intense and yell a lot and are focused on winning at all costs can cause girls to internalize the message they aren’t enough.

Peers: Girls often compare themselves to friends and peers unfavorably, and they also do a lot of body and fat shaming with huge effects on each other’s beliefs.

Spiral of beliefs: Past negative experiences often causes girls to decide they aren’t good enough and for those thoughts to develop into belief systems. This includes friend issues, school performance, and family issues.

Advertising: Dr. Jordan describes how advertisers are selling girls the idea that they themselves are not enough or good enough; that they need this product to have cool friends, be popular, and to be enough.

Images: Girls who compare themselves to images on social media will end up thinking they are ugly, fat, and not good enough.

What can parents do to support their girls?

Be conscious of what you are saying, modeling, parenting style, not compare them to sibs, value character vs achievement; spend a lot of 1-on-1 time with them

Friends: Be a nonjudgmental listener so she will come to you if problems with friends, mostly just listen but also give perspective & relate to your past experiences.

Help them become aware of the spiral of beliefs: ask what they are saying to themselves about themselves due to life experiences, challenge (-) thoughts & beliefs, teach them they are always in charge of what they allow experiences to mean about them = they are always in charge of their story.

Be careful when choosing teams about who is the coach; if too intense or critical ,move on b/c there are lots of teams & coaches.

Teach girls to be media savvy, aware of what ads are really selling them, question them always! What are they trying to sell me? What are they saying to me about me? Too fat? Hair too wavy?

Teach girls to be image savvy, question every image & know they aren’t real & catch self if comparing self to them.

We need to do a better job of preventing kids from internalizing negative beliefs about themselves, especially about not being good enough.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

For more information about girls and their emotional and friendship challenges, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need  

Many adults didn't get fully engaged in their education until college or later, so stop pressuring your children to get straight As or else!

Included in this week's podcast:

Check out all of the services offered by Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com 

Show Notes:

Dr. Jordan describes some of the physiologic, mental health, and social benefits of laughter.

Listen to 15 hilarious jokes and stories that will brighten your mood, decrease your stress and anxiety, and balance out the negativity that surrounds us.

Check out all the programs that Dr. Jordan provides for kids and parents at www.drtimjordan.com

Show Notes:

v How we view our fellow humans affects the way we treat them. Human's natural inclination is cooperation, connection, kindness, & empathy. If you believe the best, you'll experience their best

v Dr. Jordan speaks about the findings in the book Humankind by Rutger Bregman.

v Disasters bring out the best in us, as we like to be part of groups & communities. Dr. Jordan cites examples such as the 1940 blitzkrieg bombings of London and Hurricane Katrina.

v Explains the origins of myths that humans, by their very nature, are selfish, aggressive, and quick to panic, as well as the concept of original sin and god.

v Dr. Jordan describes the mean world syndrome, negativity bias, availability bias, the bystander effect, and the Rosenthal effect and how it pertains to our views about mankind's goodness.

v Thomas Pettigrew's massive review of 515 studies from 38 countries provided overwhelming support that contact with people perceived to be different from us works to engender more trust, solidarity, and mutual kindness, helps people see the world through others's eyes, and makes people more tolerant of strangers. Contact is contagious and helps us rethink our biases when we see others act differently.

Final thoughts:

v Human's natural inclination is for solidarity and cooperation. So, let's start with a belief that people are good, cooperative, empathetic, and helpful by nature.

v We can overcome our negativity bias by reminding ourselves to assume the best in others, believe that most people mean well, and assume that we will be cheated occasionally. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't or can't trust everyone.

Dr. Jordan concludes with the concept of Ubuntu as described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Humankind: A Hopeful History, by Rutger Bregman

Dr. Jordan's website: www.drtimjordan.com

Decrease sibling rivalry by changing your intention from figuring it all out to teaching kids skills to handle their conflicts on their own.

School’s out, kids are home, and thus there is the possibility of an uptick in sibling rivalry.

Dr. Jordan discusses some of the reasons behind sibling fights.

Parents have a big part in this pattern, oftentimes taking too much responsibility for their children’s conflicts and becoming part of the problem.

Parents can decide to change their intention from figuring the conflict out and doling out punishments to teaching skills so you can slowly but surely turn their fights over to them. This entails becoming an unbiased mediator, not caring who started it, whose only desire is to help them figure out a win-win solution. Since no one is punished, this eliminates a lot of the tattling behaviors.

You can teach kids how to advocate their needs and wants but also hear their siblings' needs. They can then learn how to brainstorm win-win solutions that work for both. Thus, they become responsible for their spats, not you!

Dr. Jordan ends by describing how sibling relationships are like a two-sided coin: on one side is the rivalry, but on the other side is the love and care they have for each other. Don’t overfocus on the fighting and miss out on all the times they show kindness to their siblings.

Find more information about raising children on Dr. Jordan’s website www.drtimjordan.com

People around the world believe that feminine qualities of leadership correlate more strongly with making the world a better place. Listening, collaboration, and empathy are some of the qualities most needed.

Dr. Jordan describes some of the benefits of listening including increasing your leadership potential.

Dr. Jordan describes how he teaches girls the skills for handling conflicts directly and effectively. This includes listening, getting into the shoes of other people, and creating win-win agreements.

Parents and kids can learn from Dr. Jordan’s turtle & the hailstorm metaphor for better communication that allows parents to remain an influence in their daughter’s lives.

One of the biggest deterrents to good listening is people being distracted and multitasking. Learn here some of the research about the negative effects of multitasking.

Girls need to learn to cultivate quiet, alone time to listen to themselves, to access their intuition, and to follow their urges.

Dr. Jordan also discusses the importance of parents modeling good listening with their spouses.

I encourage you to read the NY Times article on curbing gun violence by Nicholas Kristoff from 5-24-22

In a typical year, more preschoolers are shot dead in America (about 75) than police officers are

School shootings are a complex problem with no easy solutions, but on the other hand, maybe we’re making it more complicated than need be. Dr. Jordan shares research on how people today are lonelier and more isolated like never before

One reason for our isolation is shrinking social contact with people we don’t know. Not so long ago, strangers talked to each other a great deal in public; in buses, at the airport, in line at the bank. Why? Because there was not much else to do. Today, we’re all plastered to our phones.

Dr. Jordan shares research on how little moments of interacting with strangers gives us a sense of belonging

There’s a famous story about soldiers in the trenches on Christmas eve during WWI in 1914 who shared drinks, holiday carols, played soccer, and got to know each other as fellow human beings vs the enemy. People in the trenches would have stopped the war then, but it was the higher ups who were not in contact with the ‘enemy’ who kept the fighting going. We all need more contact with “the other” in order to break down barriers and stereotypes and create the space for conversation and commonalities.

Dr. Jordan also discusses info from Kristoff’s article about a lack of research on gun violence, largely because the N.R.A. is extremely hostile to such research and Congress rolls over. When the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention did try to research gun violence, Congress responded by cutting its funding.

Our most common strategy to date for curbing violence and school shootings has been to put the responsibility on teachers and little kids, via having intruder drills, learning how to hide and lock classroom doors, etc. so it’s on kids to protect themselves.

Dr. Jordan offers up 3 inspiring stories to help you see all children worldwide as OUR children and to remind you that all children belong to all of us.

Website: www.drtimjordan.com

Show Notes:

Listen in as Dr. Jordan describes 12 ways girls can keep their power to build confidence and self-esteem.

Know what you want and ask for it.

Do not care what others think or let judgments affect you

Redecide (-) beliefs from past experiences and be in charge of their stories

Take full responsibility for your feelings, reactions, and actions

Handle conflicts directly & effectively

Set clear, firm boundaries= take care of you:

Catch if comparing self: switch & keep focus internal; acknowledge the other person vs. make it mean something (-) about you

Trust your intuition no matter what and act from it

Engage in your passions

Surround yourself with loving, supportive people

Define and express your authentic self

Redefine power, strength, and leadership on your terms

Dr. Jordan explains reasons why girls and women give their power away, including good girl conditioning, risks she faces if she speaks out and advocates for herself, and the numerous mixed messages that confuse girls.

Listen as Dr. Jordan shares lots of real-life stories about how girls give their power away including: not asking for what they want, make decisions so others will like them or not be disappointed, make everyone happy and put everyone else’s needs above theirs, compare themselves to others, give up parts of them to fit in, not handle conflicts directly, allow words to hurt them, and not trusting their intuition.

You will also learn how these habits cost girls in terms of confidence, self-esteem, happiness, and success.

For more information on this issue, read dr. Jordan’s latest book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, influence, and Lead

Dr. Jordan shares 10 strategies to help high school grads launch successfully into their future

What have you learned about you so far? Academically, socially, relationships, interests, aptitude, passions

Overcoming adversity: reframe any negative beliefs about yourself and be in charge of your story

Create your own picture & set intentions for what you want

Learn to savor the moments

Cultivate quiet, alone time to think, reflect, make decisions, and express feelings

Here’s how to find and surround yourself with supportive friends

Embrace the uncertainty about your future, be open to dots, and let your life unfold in your way

Teach your parents how to support you and know that it’s time for you to know what’s best for you

Learn from your mistakes and failures

Be the architect of what it means for you to “have it all”, define success on your terms

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you.   A.A. Milne

For more timeless wisdom for high school grads, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living

I’m seeing more and more adolescent girls who are questioning their sexuality. Most of these girls feel confused, stressed & anxious because they aren’t sure what they are feeling & what it means long-term. Their parents and teachers often feel confused, some are angry, and are unsure of how to best support them.

Research has found that LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience stress and fear in school than their non-LGBTQ+ peers, resulting in bullying, verbal harassment, and physical assaults. It’s no wonder these kids experience more depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts than their non-LGBTQ peers.

My intention for this podcast is to give you some education about this issue, but mostly to offer you my observations about what I have seen & heard from girls in the past several years to help you better understand your daughters & their friends.

I clear up misconceptions about the many new labels that these girls come to them with, i.e. gender queer, bisexual, pansexual, gender-nonconforming, queer, transgender, or cisgender. I also discuss the use of different pronouns that girls prefer.

When a girl tells you they identify with one of these labels, I encourage you to always ask them what that means exactly for them; some are misinformed; confusing labels, better to describe feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.

Most of the LGBTQ girls I work with are in questioning their sexuality; i.e. they are in the process of understanding and exploring their sexual orientation and/or gender identity and gender expression. Dr. Jordan describes many reasons why girls are undergoing this questioning process.

I tell girls to relax & take the pressure off, they don’t need to KNOW now, let life unfold more & their sexual orientation will become more obvious as they get into later teens & beyond.

Girls need safe spaces to talk about their feelings & thoughts; keeping secrets creates a lot of stress & anxiety, get caught in their heads ruminating worst-case scenarios; talking about it moves them from amygdala to verbal centers & PFC, reason supplants emotions. Secrets make girls feel alone, isolated, lead to fear and panic, depression, they think they are the only one.

Girls need their parents to be nonjudgmental, caring listeners; to be a sounding board, and to remain an influence in their lives.

Sometimes the girls are clear about who they are, have embraced it, but those around them haven’t & that mismatch is what causes them anxiety & stress & anger. We are all always becoming, never done growing or changing, okay to not be “there” yet, learn to embrace their growth & the uncertainty that comes with it.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

For more information on terminology and resources for kids in the LGBTQ community, check out this site: © 2014 Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network www.glsen.org

Understanding LGBT kids article: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/lgbtq-youth/school-experiences

SHOW NOTES:

Questions the girls answered:

DESCRIBING “OLD SOULS”

• What does it mean to be an “old soul”?
• When did you 1st notice you were different/ saw things different/ noticed and felt things different?

OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS:

• Ever get overwhelmed with emotions b/c feel so deeply?

SOCIAL CHALLENGES:

• Was it hard to stay out of dramas? Feel alone or different? Out-of-the-loop?
• Sometimes get into judging peers as immature, stupid? Cost to you?

USING THE CONCEPT OF “I’M AN ASS, YOU’RE AN ASS”

• “I’m an ass, you’re an ass” concept: understand peers vs. judge; most people sleep walking thru life, don’t expect more from them or will be constantly disappointed
• Understand and accept them where they are
• Different levels of friends: acquaintances vs. BFF’s; not write people off

HOW “OLD SOULS” FIND THEIR TRIBE

• Find tribe! How Camp Weloki helps them, safe spaces, like minded friends, older friends, job
• Fully engaged in passions: Smart Girls Gifted Women book

THE BENEFITS OF BEING AN OLD SOUL

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com.

If you’d like more info on how to create a safe environment so that girls will share more with you, click on this link to sign up for Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.

Show Notes:

Letting go in infancy involves developing a reciprocal interaction where you honor their needs and allow the leadership to change. This connect-disconnect pattern will persist throughout childhood.

Kids and teens need a safe home base, like nurturing parents they can come back to for comfort, encouragement, and grounding.

Letting go is a life-long process: Dr. Jordan points out many opportunities we have during childhood to turn things over to our children, such as sleeping thru the night, handling their fears and other emotions, advocating for themselves, solving their problems and conflicts, giving more say-so and decision-making, handling their mistakes and failures, only giving advice if asked or given permission, giving them free will to fail so they can choose to succeed and own the successes, give them the responsibility to know what’s best for them, and getting out of their way so they can forge their path and story.

Dr. Jordan describes the importance of kids finding safe bases, like mentors, to encourage, guide, and inspire them.

Summary: letting go starts in infancy & continues at each stage of development. Seeing letting go as a life-long process makes it easier at age 18 when they launch into the world.

Show Notes:

How you parent matters, and the style of parenting you employ will have long-term effects on who your kids become.

Dr. Jordan describes two main parenting styles: authoritarian and authoritative.

Authoritarian or Autocratic Parenting: Parents tend to make rules and set high expectations but lack warmth, nurturance, feedback, and support. Authoritarian parents tend to “rule with an iron fist.” They are often described as strict, demanding, cold, critical, and punitive. Mistakes tend to be punished harshly. When feedback does occur, it is often negative, and parents will punish kids by withholding expressions of affection.

Yelling and corporal punishment are also common, and parents utilize punishments with little or no explanation. Obedience and conformity are valued highly.

Dr. Jordan describes the feelings, decisions, and behaviors of kids who grow up in authoritarian homes. He also discusses how spanking has been found to be associated with increased risk of 13 detrimental outcomes, including aggression, antisocial behavior, impaired cognitive ability, mental health problems and physical injury, and rebellion.

Authoritative or Democratic Parenting: autonomy-supportive parenting, recognize & sensitive to child’s needs and desires, let kids take initiative and follow their lead, respect child’s perspectives, encourage child to experiment, encourage creativity and out of the box thinking, encouraging, play-by-play announcer, give choices & decision-making, solve own problems & think critically about the reasons behind each rule, support autonomy, safe and stable base, emotionally warm, close, and nurturing, long-term goals of self-control & self-motivated & self-responsible & self-determination.

Value development of self-control & self-responsibility vs obedience

Samuel & Pearl Oliner study on non-Jews who risked lives to save Jews during Holocaust: their parents had used an authoritative style of parenting

Kids who grow up with this kind of parenting are more willing to take initiative, willing to take risks, continue to go to parents for advice, more cooperative & collaborative, have healthy coping skills & grit and the ability to learn from mistakes, good problem-solver, motivated to persevere, fully engaged in passions and work, more focused, higher achievement, higher executive functioning and prosocial behaviors, lowest risk for psychopathology, share more with parents, they are more empathetic, kind, and warm, have respect for adults, other people, and rules.

Dr. Jordan discusses his version of the stages of moral development and how it relates to parenting styles. He also encourages parents to be sure they are aware of not valuing achievement over character or adding excessive pressure to excel.

Contact Dr. Jordan: drtim@drtimjordan.com

Check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Show Notes:

·        There are many ways we can help kids develop more empathy resulting in them having greater courage, stronger relationships, and the ability to solve problems peacefully.

·        Dr. Jordan describes what empathy is and the importance of perspective taking. He describes several ways he works with groups of girls in classrooms and at his camps to get in the shoes of their peers and see things from their point of view.

·        There are numerous ways to support your children to develop more empathy including pretend play, reading together and reading history and pausing to ask questions about how characters are feeling and how they might feel in that situation. Dr. Jordan discusses the value of helping kids empathize with people who are different from them and to respect people of all races, religions, and other characteristics.

·        He also points to the importance of acknowledging kids whenever they go out of their way to show kindness and compassion, in big ways and small.

·        Finally, Dr. Jordan describes the African concept of Ubuntu as a way to think of empathy and interdependence.

For more great ideas about supporting girl’s emotional lives, watch Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Show Notes:

There are reasons behind why parents micromanage, overprotect, overindulge, and become over-involved in their children’s lives. In this podcast, you will learn about the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and the effects of “Ghosts in the nursery.”

Vulnerable child syndrome: kids become vulnerable to being parented differently because of experiences like problems getting pregnant, problems during the pregnancy, perinatal problems at delivery, or any issues in the baby’s 1st month. Worries about their child are planted in parent’s minds that sprout later on into ineffective parenting.

Ghosts in the nursery are any unresolved experiences or emotions from parent’s past that can resurface and “HAUNT” their parenting; Psychiatrist Selma Fraiberg describes them as visitors from the unremembered past of parents, the uninvited guests at the christening.”

Unresolved issues and feelings from parents past can include things like being neglected or abandoned, feeling shy and left out, living in a home with parents with addictions, problems with infertility or miscarriages, difficulties during the pregnancy, postnatal problems like slow weight gain or failure at nursing, or illnesses in the first year.

Dr. Jordan tells stories to illustrate each of these “ghosts” as well as the places where ghosts commonly appear: sleep issues, feeding, discipline and tantrums, dating, mental health concerns, school concerns, and letting go.

Solutions: Dr. Jordan describes the need for parents to become aware of any ghosts that may be affecting their parenting, bring any related feelings to the surface and express them in order to normalize them. These emotions will then no longer have power over you.

Parents can then make the connection between their ghost and their present parenting behavior = “Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time letting go”.

Contact Dr. Jordan: drtim@drtimjordan.com

For more information about effective parenting strategies, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You Are Flying By the Seat of Your Pants.

Show Notes:

The war in Ukraine reveals our unhealthy conditioning about aggression, labeling, and focusing on differences. Dr. Jordan uses some insightful stories to raise points about why we use aggression to solve our problems, why labels can be so damaging, and the effect of the war on children.

There are many things we can do to shift out of our conditioning to change our world view.

Become aware of our conditioning and work at transcending it to a higher level of behavior and consciousness.

Focus more on our commonalities than our differences.

Treat others as they deserve to be treated, with kindness and compassion and understanding vs judgments and hatred.

Here some pertinent quotes from Mr. Rogers about looking for the helpers during crisis times and how to transcend differences.

Understand the African concept of ubuntu as described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu: Ubuntu is the essence of being a person. It means that we are people through other people. We cannot be fully human alone. We are made for interdependence; we are made for family. When you have ubuntu, you embrace others.

For information about Dr. Jordan and his camps for girls and his publications, go to www.drtimjordan.com

The fear that their kids are going to fall behind their peers and not keep up with the Jones’s kids.

Fear of how do I prepare my child for a future that is so much different than my experience.

So, parents fill kid’s schedule with enrichment classes, professional coaching, premier summer sports camps, test prep, early specialization.

Parents also overfocus on achievement instead of character.

All of this is telling us something about how we view childhood.

Childhood is not a race or a contest where parents feel they must mold/ micromanage, motivate child to stay on course we set for them.

Kids are missing out on knowing themselves and being distracted from what’s really important: getting to know yourself, self-exploration, reflection, contemplation, quiet time, self-awareness, social-emotional intelligence, try different things, take risks, develop self-efficacy, no time to just be!

GS/HS should be about growing up, learning social-emotional intelligence skills, autonomy to pursue interests, figure out what you like & aptitude, sample.

Let kids be kids! Build their own story and make their unique mark on the world (Bobbi Brown story).

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

Haruki Murakami

We are far enough along in the pandemic to zoom out and take a broader look at it vs. just keep rehashing statistics of the number of new cases, hospitalizations, and deaths.

I encourage you to choose to focus on what you have learned about yourself and life because of it of it.  What lessons have you learned these past two years? More importantly, what have your children learned about themselves and life because of the pandemic?

Questions to ask your children:

How have you grown? Emotionally? Spiritually? What have you learned about handling your emotions, especially frustration and fear?

How have you learned to deal with uncertainty? Change?

How did you deal with losses? People, events, experiences

What habits or activities did you do that helped your mood and ability to cope?

What have you learned about overcoming adversity? What have you learned about your level of resilience? Are you more confident & optimistic?

Lessons about creating your own structure for schoolwork and learning? Forced to be more independent & self-motivated

How you kept your relationships strong despite social isolation. How did you stay connected?

Forced to let go of things we had no control over & decide what you DO have control over? My moods, feelings, reactions, outlook, where I spend my time and energy, who you surround yourself with

You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Timber Hawkeye

Lessons transferable to other adversities, challenges, and obstacles; developing a growth mindset is discussed

Gifts: What are some of the gifts you received b/c of covid?

More time with family? Closer connections?

Started a new hobby? Learned to play an instrument? Did more arts and crafts?

Learned to enjoy your alone time? Learned to handle your boredom? All of man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone. Blaise Pasqual

Spend time reflecting on these questions, journal your answers to internalize the lessons & gifts, discuss as a family; change the focus from loss and negatives to gratitude and growth

STORIES FROM THE NEW BOOK, NO BOUNDARIES

Using stories from Dr. Feiseler’s new book, No Boundaries: 25 Women Explorers and Scientists Share Adventures, Inspiration, and Advice, girls will learn about what it’s really like to be a woman in science – including the hardships many endured before ultimately forging their own paths in science and exploration.

GIRLS WILL LEARN DIFFERENT CAREERS IN SCIENCE & EXPLORATION THEY MAY NOT BE AWARE OF

Listeners will hear about different career paths in some fascinating, unique fields such as paleontology, mammalogy, primatology, conservationists, astronomy, volcanology, and photojournalism.

COMMON THEMES IN HOW THESE WOMEN BECAME HIGH ACHIEVERS IN THEIR FIELDS

Dr. Fieseler will talk about common themes that run thru these 25 women’s stories: following urges, early life experiences that triggered their interests, working thru obstacles and never giving up, the value of mentors and role models, and not settling for the prescribed paths society lays out for girls today.

Dr. Fieseler’s book can be found wherever you buy your books, or thru National Geographic, books bought after March 1, 2022 thru the site www.shopdisney.com will provide a free book for girls in need.

No Boundaries: 25 Women Explorers and Scientists Share Adventures, Inspiration, and Advice

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com

For some invaluable information on how to parent girls to become leaders who forge their own paths, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead

Dr. Jordan offers 3 more ways that parents may parent that will cause their daughters to become miserable adults:

Ruminate worst-case, live in future, focus on grades and results vs focus on the process; creates stress & pressure

Practice mindfulness, live in the present, focus on the journey and not the destination

Kids need to learn to check in with their thoughts & feelings, reflect, contemplate, soul search, access intuition & gut, make decisions, know what you want and need, KNOW THYSELF

Parents can learn to become aware of they are following some of these unhealthy habits and to do it different

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Dr. Jordan offers 7 ways that parents may parent that will cause their daughters to become miserable adults:

Part 2 next week will describe 3 more habits that are unhealthy for kids, parents, and families

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Dr. Jordan uses Edgar Allan Poe’s story, Descent into the Maelstrom, as a metaphor for how people feel stressed, and out of control in turmoil.

It’s hard to feel quiet and grounded because everything seems to be moving so fast, with no time for breathing or rest. This includes the incessant onslaught of information, texts, emails, and social media. It also includes all the uncertainty, losses, and stress from the COVID pandemic

Dr. Jordan discusses many of the stresses that adolescent girls are experiencing today: schoolwork, activities, college process, select sports, friendship dramas, dating relationships, and the effects of COVID on them and their families.

How can we extricate ourselves from our present-day maelstrom?

We need to reach out and grab onto something solid, our own water cask if you will. This can include connecting with loved ones or pouring ourselves into meaningful work we have a passion for. It could also look like being of service in some way to others in need and putting yourself into a state of gratitude by expressing appreciation in some way.

Most importantly, we need to connect more with people and extend kindness whenever we can.

Dr. Jordan shares three quotes that illustrate the need to live more in the present moment, savor the moments, and take action to create momentum and energy forward.

We don’t always have control over experiences thrown our way, but we do have control over how we respond to life’s challenging whirlwinds. Grab onto your “cask” and rise above the fray towards feeling contentment and grounded.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

To learn more about creating the life you desire, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living.

Ruminating, i.e., making mountains out of molehills, causes much anxiety in girls & can be tamed with awareness & tools

Dr. Jordan shares real stories from six girls whose life experiences have triggered them to ruminate worst-case fears that overwhelm them.

Dr. Jordan explains how the female brain is wired to ruminate and some evolutionary reasons why that may be true.

Rumination can be positive if used to learn from experiences and to gain courage and confidence from overcoming adversity.

Ruminating worst-case causes girls to create mountains out of molehills resulting in anxiety, stress, and feeling overwhelmed.

Demystifying anxiety and rumination can take a lot of the energy out of it for girls

Tools to catch and switch out of ruminating: bring yourself to the present moment with breath work and focusing on one sense at a time; creating mantras to switch out of anxious thinking, doing a reality check

Dr. Jordan stresses the importance of parents watching their own anxiety and energy around their daughter’s emotions so their daughter feels their support and confidence in them

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

For more information about teaching girls about their self-talk and in handling their anxiety, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Most effective strategies for this are acknowledging your strengths, thinking about how you have prepared for a particular challenge, remembering times in the past when you overcame similar challenges, imagining the support of your loved ones, and praying or knowing that others are praying for you, mantras, these are all quick mindset shifts that can turn a threat into a challenge. Dr. McGonigal discusses the benefits of writing and self-compassion in understanding and handling stress.

Contact Dr. McGonigal: http://kellymcgonigal.com/joymedia

The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Learn more about the stress girls experience in their friendships and their emotions and how to manage them with Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

A 13-year-old Japanese girl in 1955 shows us a model for lasting peace

Express gratitude for those who have and are “packing your chute”, i.e., people who have shown you kindness, mentored you, and been there for you in thick and thin

During WWII, compassionate people on board a transport ship sing Christmas carols to captured German prisoners. At that moment, everyone on both sides of the wall experienced the universal truth – that at the core of our being, all people everywhere are one. They experienced ubuntu. Attitude of oneness & that we are all of one family that I spoke of in my last podcast.

Thanx so much for listening in each week. Happy holidays to all my listeners and their families. See you next year!

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com

Show Notes:

• Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. We are hard-wired to connect; alone = death.
• Individual choices are powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do. There are powerful social influences on our behavior.
• Mirror neurons cause behaviors to be contagious; this is true for drinking, drugs, cigarettes, breaking rules, and stress at school. It’s also true for cheating on tests. We catch temptation when we see others give in to it.
• Works in (+) way too: can catch self-control, but we are more susceptible to temptations.
• Thinking about someone with good self-control can increase your own willpower. You ask self, “What would they do?” This is truer the closer you are to the person.
• Kindness is contagious: I’m challenging you to be kind and generous this holiday season and to show kindness wherever and with whomever you can and practice ubuntu. It’s obvious that our world, big and small, needs both.

Click here to see the full list of 101 Random Acts of Kindness ideas.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com.

If you want to better understand your daughter’s friendships and emotions, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course for parents, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.

·        Dr. Jordan describes mature girls who are empathetic and become their friends’ therapist

·        The value girls derive from being a confidant

·        The costs to girls of taking care of everyone else but not their own needs

·        Dr. Jordan describes the importance of girls taking care of their own needs first and being grounded

·        Girls need to learn to NOT take responsibility for their friend’s problems and emotions and to let go of their friend’s feelings to avoid becoming overwhelmed themselves

·        Parents need to give their girls permission and the skills to set boundaries with their friends

·        Validate who your daughter is and also value the necessity of self-care to avoid becoming drained and experiencing burnout

·        Stop a world from learning poem is from The Tao of Healing, by Haven Trevino

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Four 21-year-old women candidly share about their lives, future, & the effects of COVID. Here are some questions they answered:

How has COVID affected your education?

What is it like to be 21 today? How are you & your peers handling COVID? How has COVID affected your relationships, education, partying, and dating?

Future: Do you think about it much? Fears? Pressures & stress? Excited?

How do you & your peers view dating & marriage?

What has been the effect of the #MeToo movement? What have been your experiences with sexual harassment?

Is leaning in & breaking glass ceilings on your radar? Do you feel pressured to be a top student, athlete, or CEO?

For some great, practical advice for how young adults can thrive through these formative years, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living

Show Notes:

·        Kids feel unimportant, not cared about, and unloved when they are around distracted parents.

·        Dr. Jordan relates why your daughter might want to be a TV set:

§ They would have their family all around them warm and cozy and happy. They would take them seriously when they talk and really listen to them. They would be the center of attention and people would listen to them without interrupting. Their family would see them as interesting, funny, wise, knowledgeable, important, and irreplaceable. The family would immediately notice if they’re upset and not their best and care for them to get me back up and running. They want to be the person who brings the family together and makes everyone happy.

·        Here’s why your daughter might want to be a phone:

§ Phones are always with parents, always noticed, and parents would take them everywhere; prefer to look at me vs play with siblings or talk to their friends; always checking up on me to be sure I am happy and charged up; they’d never leave home without me much less leave me alone; they would brag to their friends about all the things I can do; I’d be last thing they check on or think about each night and first thing they check on each morning; they’d always tell me they couldn’t live without me or don’t know how they ever lived without me; they’d love me more and more each year as I get more and more interesting and complicated.

·        To avoid your daughter wanting to become your TV or phone, here are some suggestions to help girls feel more loved:

§ The whole family can agree to turn off devices when they eat, play games, travel in the car and be fully present with each other.

§ Remember to do the little things: tuck ins each night, notice me without having to ask or create drama, ask my opinion, value what I have to say and who I am, value all parts of me just like the different channels; technology changes over time and so will I, so embrace all of my changes, spend uninterrupted time with me.

§ Help me feel loved, noticed, special, understood, important, and valued.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

To create more closeness around the dinner table or during car rides, check out Dr. Jordan’s Dinner Dialogue Cards for questions to gain deeper insight into kids and for them to learn more about you.

Girl’s dissatisfaction with their bodies didn’t start with Instagram and social media; the real culprit was bathroom mirrors and home scales.

Just like social media doesn’t start friendship drama but only amplifies it, the use of Instagram and other social media didn’t create girl’s body dissatisfaction but has escalated it.

The history of fat in our country: beginning in the 1800s, Dr. Jordan discusses the evolution in our thinking about women’s weight and body ideals.

Body dissatisfaction began long ago, long before TV & smart phones & social media: bathroom mirrors and scales, store bought clothes, HS, advertising, the fashion industry & changing styles, increased investment in products, medical data about the harmful effects of being overweight, the proliferation of dieting & dieting products, the fitness craze, acceptance of women’s sexuality and the subsequent need to be sexually attractive, the shifting cultural standards for how women were supposed to look, how they should judge themselves and others, and how they should eat; these have all created a moving target of standards, ideals, and expectations. Girls also have to maneuver through current challenges of exhibitionism, perfectionism, lookism, and consumerism.

Throughout history, girls have had to grapple with the influence of new information coming from movies, TV, magazines, music videos, YouTube, and social media.

Parents need to be sensitive about what they say about their bodies and other’s bodies, especially moms, as girls are constantly listening and watching. Research shows that parents who model body-positive behaviors, including a relaxed attitude about healthy eating and enjoyment of physical activity, are more likely to raise body-positive kids.

It is also protective to watch media like TV shows, movies, and social media content with your daughters and then have discussions to help educate girls to be more media and image savvy.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com and drtim@drtimjordan.com

For more information about raising daughters to who are healthy, image savvy and happy, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girl.

SHOW NOTES:

·        It is the parents’ job is to offer encouragement and resources to support their daughters to find their intrinsic motivation and passions.

·        Children find their passions and the motivation to pursue them in many different ways.

·        Dr. Jordan tells numerous fascinating stories about eminent people and how they found their purpose, calling, and motivation.

·        Most kids need to experience a range of experiences before they find their “thing.”

·        Some kids find their motivation by overcoming adversity.

·        Kids need someone in their corner who can help them become aware of their intrinsic motivation, who value their interests and passions, and who encourages them to go for it.

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com.

For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, SHE LEADS: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead.

A better question is: How can I support my daughter’s intrinsic motivation? How can I help her discover her own internal motivation?

In many ways, the answer is to get out of her way.

Ask kids why they want the grades they desire, and why they love the activities they are into. When they share why they love what they are doing, mirror it back to help them internalize their intrinsic good feelings for their passions.

Bobbi Brown story: taken from, Wherever You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni

Mia Hamm’s story from The Right Words at the Right Time, by Marlo Thomas

Many kids do not find motivation with schoolwork/education until after HS or college when they can choose what they study & pursue, especially if they are strongminded, independent, and with an entrepreneurial spirit. Some kids will NOT be into school the way you want, no matter what parents do.

Value passion where you find it, and trust that the lessons they learn from such pursuits will be transferrable to other endeavors.

The stories of Jane Goodall and the Wright brothers illustrate the importance of encouraging and supporting your children’s dreams.

Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com

For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead.

SHOW NOTES:

·        A lot of 20-somethings view 20s as a time for fun, but that is faulty thinking. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35, earning power is decided in your first 10 years. Brain and personality change more during 20’s than at any other time before or after.

·        The 20s is a time of lots of choices and greater freedom, but 20-somethings may experience this as a two-edged sword as it creates confusion and anxiety and uncertainty.

·        Meg Jay describes what identity capital is and how 20-somethings can become aware of what they’ve learned about themselves up till now. Identity capital is personal assets, what we have to show for how we have spent our time, investments we make in ourselves, aptitudes, interests, passions, how we present ourselves, solve problems, cope with life’s ups and downs, hobbies, life experiences; how you resolved your identity crisis; it’s valuable to assess what your past life experiences say about you and your future.

·        We discussed the potential cost of being underemployed and being too focused on not wanting to settle.

·        Dating and relationships was also discussed: the choice of who you marry is more important for long term happiness than what college you go to; age 30 deadline, angst if still unmarried and feel behind and pressured to find someone; the importance of our self-perceived mate value: people spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning a relationship; should spend time and money on retreats, therapy, personal growth.

·        We discussed the critical shift from being wanted to wanting = what do you want and deserve?

·        The biologic clock is real as far as having children. You can use that urgency to help 20-somethings plan their futures instead of being anxious and stressed.

·        What is the effect of the frontal lobe not fully wired until sometime between 20-30? Opportunity for new connections that won’t happen again in our lives; never be so quick to learn new things; 20 somethings who use their brain by engaging in good jobs and real relationships are learning the language of adulthood right when brain primed to learn it.

·        20-somethings can make a rough plan for your life over the next 10 years: love, work, education, money, travel, friends, family, health, habits, purpose.

Contact Meg Jay: The Defining Decade: Why 20-somethings Matter

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Another great read for your young adults is Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from my Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living.

SHOW NOTES:

·        Girls need safe spaces to express all of their feelings, especially during the roller coaster of emotions during the teen years

·        Dr. Jordan shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience

·        A 10 is a 10 is a 10 principal: a loss is a loss, the experience and details may differ, but the emotions don’t feel any less real = a 10 is a 10 is a 10, we can relate to each other even if our stories aren’t the same

·        A loss of a pet can create similar feelings to other seemingly more important losses; a pet is always there for you, can share stories and fears, and they listen without judgment; pets become a safe haven for girls

·        When kids come to you with their feelings, take them seriously, listen, mirror, get in their shoes and see from their point of view, affirm feelings, ask if they want feedback, help them see it in a different perspective, encourage them to journal, draw, etc. to express and make sense of emotions and loss; never belittle, minimize, judge them as being dramatic or too sensitive

·        Girls at camp realize they are not the only ones who have experienced what they have, they are not alone or crazy, peers can relate even if their stories are different

·        A 10 is a 10 is a 10; remember this principle so kids feel safe to share with you.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Email feedback to drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com

If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.

SHOW NOTES:

·        Consent is not a one time talk at age 16. Most sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years. This includes teaching about respect, setting and respecting boundaries, and advocating for yourself.

·        Building solid relationships at home becomes the template for all future relationships and it allows kids to develop self-confidence and a belief that they deserve to take care of themselves.

·        Girls need to learn the difference between being assertive vs aggressive. This is best done with role playing at home.

·        We discuss the importance of teaching kids how to access and trust their intuition in order to take care of themselves. We also discuss how alcohol and drugs blunts your internal alarm system.

·        Christy discusses some of the legal aspects of consent that parents and kids should know.

·        We discussed how parents can handle and prevent sexting.

·        Discussions about boundaries and consent should be a continuous process throughout childhood. Don’t wait until they are ready to go off to college!

Contact Christy Keating: https://www.theheartfulparent.com/consent

Listeners to this podcast are eligible for 2 free handouts about teaching kids about consent.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

Start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork and homework

Begin by discussing what intentions she has for this school year, i.e. let her tell you what she wants to accomplish.

Learning: ask questions about what she enjoys, grades she desires, and especially why; ask her what her plan is to accomplish these goals; what did she learn last year during covid about how to study and stay on track?

Friendships: What does she want as far as her social life? deepen current friends? attract better ones? Have friends in different groups? What is her plan to achieve this?

Activities: why does she love the ones she does? Willing to try new ones?

Personal growth: Are there any ways she’d like to get out of her comfort zone and stretch herself? Take more risks? Try new things? Advocate more for herself? Not compare herself so much? Raise her hand in class more often? Show up as real self vs façade?

Autonomy: Ask why they want whatever they decide; they need more autonomy to develop become more self-motivation and self-responsibility

Autonomy = engagement = perseverance = fulfillment = they own results so it’s their touchdown dance

She may falter at 1st b/c not want to take responsibility and used to parents jumping in to fix and rescue; there may be a learning curve so be patient; if she feels stuck or falters, ask her, “What will you do?”

The time to turn over responsibility for their schoolwork is now! The costs of faltering are much lower the younger they are. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college to let go.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

For comprehensive information about your daughter’s social and emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

3 young women who are about to begin college open up about the following issues:

• Describe the mixed emotions you are going thru as you anticipate leaving for college.
• Share your biggest fears about making friends, handling being away from home, ability to handle your school work, missing your support network, and picking their major and career path.
• What are you most excited about?
• Are you open to getting out of your comfort zone and redefining yourself? What might that look like?
• When did you 1st start feeling pressure about college & picking major? From whom?
• What boundaries do you need to set with parents and boyfriends, especially about staying in touch?
• What self-care habits will you be sure to incorporate into your schedule? quiet space, exercise, nature, express feelings.
• 
  

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need



Also have your daughter check out Dr. Jordan’s book written for young adults to help them figure out their calling: Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living

SHOW NOTES:

“Weight in Gold,” an HBO sports documentary.

It delves into the debilitating depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations, and other mental health crises that can plague these athletes on their quests for gold, regardless of their level of acclaim.

Intense training, hours, singular focus to the exclusion of other things like friendships, family time & vacations; fear of taking even 1 day off.

I’m aware of the benefits of kids playing youth sports: teamwork, learning a skill, exercise for your body, win & lose, sportsmanship, see body for its function vs just appearance, make friends with similar interest, creates a tribe

Overuse injuries have been rising: Sports specialization and not following the youth sport participation recommendations may increase the chance of overuse injuries; Female athletes more frequently specialize in a sport at earlier ages and sustain more injuries than males

Whole life structured around their sport; when quit b/c of injury or graduate HS, not know how to structure their days on their own

Must grieve this as a loss, a process, take time to journal what they learned about self, gained, life lessons they want to take with them, things they want to leave behind

Knew their place by their ranking, their numbers and times, accolades from coaches and parents, now not sure how they are doing, sense of confidence and standing must come from within

Do things for YOUR reasons, what do you want and WHY?

Body image: see selves as fat when really muscular; compare their muscular legs to toothpick friends; distorted body image.

Stress from parents and coaches and recruiters and college prospects: MS & HS girls want to quit b/c they are burned out but afraid of disappointing parents, coaches, teammates.

Value achievement over character; adds pressure, anxiety about measuring up and winning and pleasing adults, depression if fail.

What can parents do?

Balance: sports with music, arts, jobs, family time, alone down time, time to follow other interests

Make sure kids are pursuing sport b/c of their reasons vs pleasing us or not disappointing us, “Why do you love soccer? Painting?

Listen to them if express burnout, be heard and understood, let them choose activities and levels

Need for breaks, family vacations, normal camps

Choose coaches with good intentions

Refuse to get caught up in the current rat race of college scholarship or bust, being the best, doing same sport year-round, focus on winning and being on the best club teams

Parents need to set the tone, family intentions (TJ & hockey), OK to say no, derive benefits w/o the costs

Be aware of your child’s mental health, look past medals to how they are feeling & coping (like grades after divorce)

Have safe place/person to talk about their feelings, worries, fears; just talking about it is therapeutic and healing, they are not alone

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

SHOW NOTES:

·        Won’t grow in protected environments; growth as response to demands/challenges of experience

·        Favorite books: Spinning Straw Into Gold, Original fairy tales, The Sound of a Silver Horn, She, The Witch Must Die, Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth and The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Women Who Run with the Wolves

·        Call to adventure is a summons to leave old beliefs; Dorothy called to a larger life beyond her outmoded situation in Kansas; Rapunzel, Little mermaid, and Cinderella yearn to break loose from home even at the risk of losing their life.

·        Our heroines usually meet a mentor who guides and encourages them on their quest. Mentors like Moana’s grandmother, Professor Dumbledore for Harry Potter, the good witch Glinda for Dorothy, and Gandalf for Frodo and Bilbo all saw more in our heroines before they could see it in themselves.

·        Fictional young heroines must confront their deepest fears and face a series of dangerous encounters that tests their strength and resolve; must gain the strength and resources to survive and be ready to face the adult world

·        Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, girls must pull back the curtain of her limiting beliefs and conditioning and look inward to find her power and innermost resources.

·        Your daughter must learn to get quiet and go inward to find her own truth and strength. She must learn to stop giving away her power just as Dorothy learned to hold onto her ruby slippers. And like Dorothy, girls must become aware that they have the power to realize their own heart’s desire.

·        Fairy tales and fictional stories are a great vehicle to understand the trials and tribulations of both the story’s characters as well as your own. Girl’s feelings of discontent, restlessness, emptiness, uncertainty, anxiety, and despair can be normalized in the context of the heroine’s journey.

·        Touch points: feel out of sorts, depression, anxiety, uncertainty, self-doubt = sign of growth, transformation, change

·        What has called you? Any urges? What ignites your passion? What pulls you in a positive direction? Who helps you stay on course? What brings you joy, fills your heart, inspires you?

·        Learn to have quiet, alone time to reflect, soul search, check in with her feelings and intuition; trust urges, understand touch points and heroine’s journey

·        Descent into the maelstrom metaphor: What will you hold onto to get you thru tough times? Friends, mentors, and parents

·        Reframe road of trials (college process) to road of adventures and excitement full of opportunities to grow, learn who they really are and what they’re capable of vs. focus on fears

·        Help her find passions and friends she can hold onto to get her through the tough times. Like these heroines, your daughter can learn to master her emotions, face her fears, overcome challenges, and ultimately find and embrace the parts of herself that yearn to be expressed.

Dr. Jordan’s contact info: www.drtimjordan.com

If this podcast resonated with you and how you can support your daughter’s heroine’s journey, click on this link and get his book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girls.

Show notes:

Societal push to give kids a leg up, an edge, childhood is a race to be best/top, keeping up with the Jones’ kids, early specialization, pushed to decide what you should be before first figuring out who you are.

A better path: Early sampling, diverse experience, breadth, interdisciplinary thinking, delayed concentration, ability to integrate broadly, go through sampling period best prepares kids.

Learning things is less important than learning about yourself, growing self-knowledge, considering how much we grow and evolve, and discovering new things about ourselves; will have many jobs in the future not just because jobs and technology change but because YOU change!

Do experiments: Focus on Here’s who I am now, here are my motivations, here’s what I’ve found I like to do, here’s what I’d like to learn, here are the opportunities, which of these is the best match right now? After a while, I may switch if I find something better or a better match, short term planning.

My Dot Theory: do whatever seems like it would teach you something and allow you to be of service, diverse experiences accumulate, do what’s needed and drawn to at the time, the only plan is to do what is interesting or needed now.

Unhealthy definition of success: attaining wealth and status by climbing the institutional ladder = know your destination, work hard, nose to the grindstone, stay the course, just do same things as others but better; happiness is reward for staying the course, retire and then have fun.

Dark horses value fulfillment, passion, sense of purpose, deeply engaged in what they did; pursuit of fulfillment led them to success & was crucial for their success.

Ask why they like activities, grades, score goals, draw.

Dark horses were not fulfilled by being excellent at something but by being deeply engaged with their own thing.

Importance of what we focus on and value:

Books: Range by David Epstein; The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle, Dark Horse by Todd Rose, The Element by Ken Robinson

Contact Dr. Jordan:

If you or your young adult resonated with the ideas in this podcast, go to Dr. Tim’s website right now and get his book written for young adults, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living The wisdom in this book will help your teens and young adults to find their purpose, stay on track to create the life they desire, and define success on their own terms.

www.drtimjordan.com

Dr. Jordan interviewed Meg Jay, Ph.D., author of Supernormal: The Untold Story of Adversity and Resilience.

Nearly 75% of people experience adversity by the age of 20 (loss of a parent to death or divorce; bullying; alcoholism or drug abuse in the home; mental illness in a parent or a sibling; neglect; emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; having a parent in jail; or growing up alongside domestic violence).

How fear and chronic, cumulative stress affects the brain.

Why keeping secrets about your adversities is so harmful to kids; what predicts distress after adversity is not the severity of the event but how alone one feels afterward; discussed the value of girls sharing their stories at Camp Weloki and knowing they aren’t alone or crazy.

The benefits of being supernormal (having gotten through adversity).

What qualities/experiences best help kids adjust & become resilient?

Why girls are hardier than boys when subjected to stress & adversity?

The importance of focusing on how you survived vs just about your hardships or how you are broken.

Contact Meg Jay: Supernormal: The untold story of adversity and resilience

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

For more info on the pressures & stressors girls experience & how to support them, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girl

SHOW NOTES:

Reflecting on your mortality can be an important motivator for living your life at 110%; triggered by an article from Dailystoic.com about a concept called Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality that goes back to Socrates.

Write your own eulogy. How do you want people to remember you after you’ve passed? What’s important? What do you value most? Good husband, father, role model, be of service.

Write out your mission statement.

Use these tools to begin with the end in mind to guide your decisions.

I encourage parents to begin with the end in mind with activities; do with kids so you all decide what’s important and what you value & use that to guide decisions about activities, schools, etc.

Practice daily Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality.

Use this to create a perspective, a sense of urgency, to not put off important things and relationships.

Write out your eulogy to give your life more meaning & purpose help you to prioritize your actions.

Be conscious about how you spend your time. It’s easy to waste hours on social media; adults spend about 10,000 hours a year on social media.

Read books, have more time in nature, have deep conversations, learn an instrument, journal, write a book, art, send thank-you notes, gratitude, personal growth, and nonfiction books.

Take more risks.

Develop a habit of practicing Memento Mori each day.

SHOWNOTES:

• Learn how to ask girls why they love what they do, i.e. color, draw, soccer, and theater, then reflect on their feelings and thoughts so they internalize them as their intrinsic motivation.
• Supporting their intrinsic motivation throughout childhood sets kids up to think for themselves and go inward to know what’s best for them.
• What matters are “how well you use the university you go” and “what you demand of it.” Focus on using those years to come of age, bust out of your comfort zone, try new subjects and activities, reinvent yourself, travel abroad vs. recreate your high school experience, expand yourself, and be open to change and growth.
• What is harder to measure but far more important is a young adult’s level of grit, optimism, integrity, people skills, street smarts, stamina, determination, engagement in jobs or internships or hobbies and passions; thus, be aware of what you are focusing on and where you put your energy.
• Teach your kids that WHY they are choosing a college is more important than where they end up. “HOW they do their college experience” is also more valuable than the name of the university. Have the courage to swim against the tide of parents and an educational system obsessed with the elite college myth.
• Encourage teens to be the architect of their college experience, do it their way & for their reasons & focus less on names across sweatshirts.
• Invictus, William Ernest Henley
• It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

Go to Dr. Jordan’s website right now and order his book, Letters From My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living, and give it to your teenager or young adult for more insights into finding their calling and creating the life they were meant to live.

It is available in both print or e-book formats, Kindle and Print versions.

More than 82% of women report significant and life interrupting menstrual pain; nearly every person with a period thinks that suffering with your period is normal. They don’t really believe that anything can change that, and that suffering is the lot that you must bear as women and menstruators.

During her more than twenty years of research and treating thousands of patients, Karchmer found that most period problems women experience—even the most painful ones—are totally correctable and more surprisingly reflective of overall health and fertility

PMS, cramping, bloating, migraines, irritability, and anxiety may be extremely common, but contrary to popular belief, they aren’t normal. And they certainly aren’t “just part of being a woman”

Shame and ignorance surround women’s periods; girls often don’t feel safe talking about them with their parents or even their friends

We discussed the way parents can make it safe for girls to talk about their periods starting in early childhood; make it a topic that has no energy or shame around it, have dad be nurturing to mom when she is on her period, openly display tampons etc.

Boys need to be educated about why periods are healthy and an important part of being a woman; they also need to be empowered to stand up for girls if their friends are ridiculing them about their periods

Contact guest: www.foreverbrazen.com/pages/conceivablescore

kirsten.karchmer@foreverbrazen.com

Her new book Seeing Red from Simon and Schuster, breaks down old myths, discusses the importance of a healthy menstrual cycle and how to achieve it

Kirsten has a Tiktok community of a quarter of a million daughters who come on her live show and chat with Kirsten about their concerns about puberty & periods

Contact host Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

 If you’d like more info on how to create a safe environment so that girls will share more with you, click on this link to sign up for Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

Go to www.drtimjordan.com to get more resources on helpful ways to raise your daughter.

The origin of tinsel and a father's love of his daughter.